A pro-life defence – or maybe I’m just defending myself


For weeks now I’ve had a blog post about abortion rolling around my head and my heart. I’ve tried to ignore it. I threw it away several times. I’ve even said it out loud to myself to try to get it out of my system; but it hasn’t worked. I finally decided to write it and within days came the news of the tragic death of Savita Halappanavar and the child she was carrying. That stopped me in my tracks.

Suddenly abortion and X Case legislation were all over the news and current affairs programmes. Twitter went wild with accusation and counter accusation. I watched as people I love to follow argued and insulted each other. My stomach was sick and my heart ached every time I saw Savita’s beautiful face on the TV and the internet. And I thought to myself… “put it away Amo – this is not the time for your pale musings”.

But maybe it is time. Maybe this is exactly the time to say how I feel.

It will come as no surprise to anyone that I am pro-life. What you might not know about me is that I am childless. And have no chance of ever being a mammy. (Unless by some miracle I end up adopting. But having tried already to no avail, I can’t see that happening.)

But if you know me; if you’ve read my blog, or you follow me on Twitter, you will know that I am NOT a mad fundamentalist right-wing Christian who secretly hates women! I’m not just an over emotional 40 something with no kids and no hope of ever having them! I am capable of rationally discussing abortion. The reason I’ve hesitated is that I don’t want you to hate me. I don’t want you to say the horrible things that get said to people who are anti-abortion.

I’m not a member of any pro-life organisation as, to be honest I tend to feel a bit uncomfortable with their methods. I don’t like to see images of aborted fetuses. As well as a right to life, these babies have a right to some dignity. Images of their dead bodies on display are distasteful and an insult to that body.
I heard stories of people shouting “child killers” at the march for Savita at the weekend. And though I’m convinced there was pro-choice agenda-pushing going on, I would not condone shouting at people in the street.

There is no point in me going into much debated arguments about Savita’s case. Mainly as the full details are not known. But also because my words won’t make a difference. Those who agree/disagree as to whether this was a pregnancy that went terribly and tragically wrong, or death because of a denied abortion – well I’m not going to change anyone’s mind on that am I?! But it is a tragedy and should not have happened.

The original wish for this post was to say why abortion breaks my heart. I’ve already gone on for too long, so I’ll keep it brief!
Abortion breaks my heart because I don’t have kids. I can’t, and there are people who can but don’t want to. It’s NOT a judgement on anyone. It makes me sad, not angry.
Abortion breaks my heart because it sets women against women. I don’t know if it’s anger, guilt, indignance, or what…… but this debate makes women talk about other women in such a terrible and cruel way. And I mean on both sides of the argument.
Abortion breaks my heart because of the love I have for the many kids in my life, my fabulous nieces and nephews and their kids. And others too.
Abortion breaks my heart because I believe it breaks God’s heart.

I must say one other thing. The reaction to some of the pro-life commentators has been truly awful. I tweeted during the week that we’d all prefer not to have to listen to those we disagree with but if these issues are going to be discussed on TV and Radio then all sides of the argument are entitled to a voice or there’s no point.
I’ve said before – my opinion may be in the minority. But it’s still my opinion and I’m entitled to it.

And I’m going to express it – abortion breaks my heart!

A crap poem that turned into a crap prayer


2 people have died
Too much sadness
2, or maybe 20 opinions as to why
Insults start to fly
Hijack the agenda, rant and rave, play the blame game
Anger
Fury
Protest
Is it just one more thing to tweet wildly about?
Just another stick to beat the right with?
Another slur to hurl at the left?
How many really care about to the two people who died?
I’m so tired of it all
And God; what do you want me to do now?
This stuff makes me want to quit the tiny area of the public arena that I inhablt
And leave them all to devour each other

Blessed are the peacemakers, but no one wants a peacemaker today

A Complimentary Nip/Tuck


You’ll notice a difference in the blog look. I thought it needed a bit of an overhaul! Really it’s an overhaul in lieu of the personal overhaul that I’m in need of. As Dolly Parton once said… “time marches on and soon you realise it’s marching right across your face.”

Now if someone compliments my hair I tend to look after it a bit better in the days after! Well the new look blog has been inspired by some compliments to it. Today I had a wonderful review of the blog and would like to share it with you if you don’t mind. I’m not so much boasting as… sharing my joy 🙂

I’m part of a great group of writer’s called ASMSG.  (Authors Social Media Support Group) One of the guys in the group said the most amazing things about my blog. I’m genuinely amazed, chuffed and actually shed a little tear – just to think it gave someone “a breath of fresh air”.

Thanks to Christopher Shields for his kind words.

A little about blogs. A couple days ago, an author friend asked the question: What do you want from a blog when you visit? I answered: Fresh Air. I love it when I go to a blog and am transported for a moment from the business of work, the crammed schedule of writing, editing, publishing, and promoting. If a blog turns all that off for a moment, and gives me something to laugh about, ponder, breathe for a moment, I love the experience. For those of you who haven’t visited her blog, Annmarie Miles’ blog does just that. I recently felt pretty bogged down, and needed a little departure from the business of writing (just an hour, maybe, was good), and wanted a breath of fresh air during it. I happened to go to her blog because I saw it here several times. And because of her charming face and fun expression, I thought I’d read what she most recently posted. I got my breath of fresh air! Her posts are funny, personal, endearing, and not about writing, which was the point of taking the break. I recommend that you all visit her blog and like/favor it, as it made my day when I did and I’m sure it will yours as well.

Christopher Shields is a member of ASMSG and is author of the Weald Fae Journals.

A Moment of Turmoil…. and then… peace!


I’m constantly doubting myself. Always second guessing and regretting what I did or didn’t say or do. Below is a journal entry I wrote frantically after making a mistake. A mistake by the way, which resolved itself quickly and wonderfully. But as I read back over my frazzled scribbles I wonder again and how easily I get worked up over stuff!

 
Can I just stay here please?
I feel like a total idiot today. I made a mistake. I actually have a chance to fix it but I’m not sure how. I want to turn the clock back. I want it to be this time yesterday. But I spend too much time wanting that. I make stupid mistakes. Usually when I’m happy and confident. When I’m like this I’m a bit paralysed. I’ve written half a response (which is already twice as long as it needs to be) and I can’t send it and I can’t delete it.
Why am I such an idiot? Why can’t I just stop when I’m supposed to stop. Instead of going too far and saying too much? Stupid Stupid Stupid woman!
And now I can’t write. Can’t write anything cos I have a stupidity cloud sitting on my head. I’ve a lump in my throat and I want to cry, I’m so bloody annoyed with myself.
What do I do now? I can’t turn the clock back, I can ask the other person to, but no matter what happens it’ll always be there. And asking to turn the clock back will draw more attention to it than if I just reply to the email casually.
But I can’t. I can’t casually blow it off. I want not to have received the email. Not for the person to feel they had to send it at all.

 

And quick as a flash it was sorted. Thank you Lord. The other person got in touch and actually felt like I did. “Lets’ turn the clock back 24 hrs” and we did. And it worked.

Drawing a line under that one; as I wait for the next one… :/

Come Back Soon!


http://www.vox.ie

For some reason it’s a week of memories for me.

I told this story in one of my articles for VOX Magazine*. Maybe it has come back to mind because it happened around this time last year, or maybe it’s because my friend has just lost his mum.

Probably a bit of both…

Come Back Soon!
I had to say goodbye to my husband for a month recently. We haven’t spent much time apart so the prospect of 4 whole weeks wasn’t fun!

In the days leading up to the goodbye I managed to hold it together but when we got to the barrier in the airport that only I could pass, I was not able to hold back the tears. We said our goodbyes and as soon as he was out of sight I let go and sobbed like a child.

By the time it was my turn to send my bag through the scanner and walk through the security doorway thingy, I was a total mess. When I walked through, a female security guard stopped me and asked if I was ok. Through the various liquids associated with sobbing, I managed to say that I was ok. “Are you sure?” she said, “Will I get you a chair so you can sit down for a minute?”
“No” I said, “I’m ok really. It’s just that….. I’ve just left my husband and…..” that was as far as I got. I burst into another bout of ‘extreme crying’ (a much underrated sport in my opinion)!

She stared and me and said, “You’ve just left your husband???? Oh my goodness! Let me get you a glass of water or something!”

By now there was a queue behind me, a crowd around me and a conveyor belt of hand luggage going nowhere. I tried hard to explain that I hadn’t actually LEFT my husband, I had just left him behind and REALLY was ok. The other security guards had heard enough and resumed looking sternly at people.

Suitably mortified, I gathered my belongings and scuttled away praying that none of the people who had witnessed the incident were on my flight.

By the time you read this we’ll have been reunited but as I write I’m still missing him. I know that soon he’ll be back but at the moment I’m longing for the day when we’ll be reunited.

I love hugs 🙂

But I’m not the only one longing for a reunion am I? Saying goodbye to people is a sad inevitability of all our lives. Whether it’s goodbye at an airport or goodbye at a graveside – parting is hard. But a day is coming when there will be no more goodbyes, no more partings, no more tears. That is a promise from God – our happy inevitability. And as I wait to be reunited with my beloved, I’m also waiting to be united forever with my Beloved.

I can’t wait! For both reunions 🙂

 
 
This article was in VOX Magazine October 2011 as part of my regular column ‘Confessions of a Feint Saint’
This year, for the first time they are producing a Christmas edition. Click here to go to their website.

Response and follow up to – Saying it out Loud


On Twitter earlier this week, I referred to this old blog post. For some reason it had popped into my head and I was mulling it over. The post mentioned that for the first time, I’d done a public talk about being childless.

I got a couple of comments/questions about it. After thinking about it for a while I realised that unless you knew the Bible story I referred to, it might not make sense. So, rather than add the story as another blog post I thought I’d put the recording of the talk up on MixCloud. It’s about 20 minutes long and still may not make sense 🙂

You’ll find it here, if you’d like to listen 🙂

A Win-Win Weekend!


I won a signed copy of Louise’s book while I was there 🙂
Last weekend I went to a wonderful Weekend Writer’s Retreat in Carousel Creates. I met some great people including the lovely Louise Phillips, author of Red Ribbons.
 
I’d actually won the weekend. When booking a 1 Day Retreat, I entered the competition on the website. The challenge was to write a piece entitled ‘I am a Writer’ – 300 words or less. I knew I wanted to be one, but wasn’t sure that I could say that I was one…
 
So I wrote something quickly and entered the competition before I had time to change my mind… and it came 1st… yeay! Here it is 🙂

I am a Writer

I said if for the first time recently. It was actually in a fairly heated email exchange. I was trying to explain to my friend why my Facebook page was suddenly flooded with mentions of my blog and other stuff I’m working on. Typing fervently on autopilot I said “Maggie, I am a writer! That is what I do and it just happens that lately I’ve had more opportunities and I’ve wanted to share that…. !

Reading back before hitting the Send button I was shocked at that phrase. “I am a writer” I couldn’t believe I’d said it out loud. I’ve been wanting to for so long. But there’s a voice in my head, telling me how presumptuous I am to even think it.

When I meet new people I introduce myself in terms of my work, my husband and my faith. I never put ‘writer’ into that initial summary of who I am. Eventually talk of my blog will come out, or I’ll start to talk about my MA studies and what I hope to do afterwards. Once someone actually said…
“You’re not Annmarie Miles who writes for Vox are you?”
Yes that’s me… quite happy for you to say it, but I couldn’t possibly…

So who decides when a bloggette, a woman with a head full of stories, a gal who can run you up a song as quick as a sandwich, a complicated missis with the desire to make folk laugh but not be laughed at…. who decides when she can call herself a writer?

Maybe I can give myself permission to say it out loud. I just need to practise saying it in the mirror. I need to get used to the sound of my own voice uttering those words.

YES! I. AM. A. WRITER!

I want to wriiiiiiiite!
 
From November 1st I’m going from full time to part time in my job. So I’m going to have a lot more time. I feel the need to take this writing stuff seriously. Watch this space…
 
 
 (Please note: you’ll probably be ages watching this space before anything happens – feel free to go off for a coffee or something. The space will most likely still be here when you get back :D)

Who’da Guest it?!


So where can you find me?

Well I’ve a regular column in VOX Magazine (back issues can now be read online). I’ve also had articles published in WHOA Women magazine.
I’m an Emerging Writer member of writing.ie and so contribute to the member’s blog the odd time.

I’m delighted that I’ve had the opportunity to write a guest post for a few different blogs/sites etc. And there are more in the pipeline.

So I thought it I’d make a list which I’ll add to as I do more… 🙂

Regular posts:
VOX website
www.divacafe.net
www.writersfunzone.com

Guest Posts:
Grader Gal Books Blogger Interviews Oct 2012, May 2013
1 Hundred Works May 2013
The Love & Life Project May 2013
Keratoconus GB – Living with KC Mar 2013
Carousel Creates Jan 2013, Mar 2013
Joint Post with my cornea donor’s mom Feb 2013
Anseo A Mhúinteoir Oct 2012
Successful e-Writer Oct 2012
Southern Belle Sept 2012

 

I’m very grateful to those who’ve allowed me to talk through my hat their blogs! I consider it a real privilege. Thanks folks 🙂

This is normal life, it’s not easy!


Before going on the One Day Writer’s Retreat last month, I asked for a list of random titles to write about – testing my ability to write ‘on demand’.
The title ‘This is normal life, it’s not easy! was suggested by my friend Trish.

I love to lose myself in a good film. Or maybe a few episodes of Downton Abbey… I try to read Pride and Prejudice every year as it is my favourite book in the world – and when I do I’m there… at Longbourn, in Meryton, on Cheapside, in Pemberley. But I know I can’t stay there. I know I have to come back. Back to normal life.

I don’t live in abject poverty, I don’t even live in pleasant poverty. I have a good life, I am happy in my marriage and although I am sad that I’ve no kids, I don’t grieve like used to about that. I have a strong faith that helps me, guides me, encourages me, teaches me and shows me where I’m going wrong. I have a huge family that I love to spend time with and I have a great circle of real friends. I also have quite a few Twitter friends too – or twiends as I like to call them.

So who am I to say that my life isn’t easy? Can I give myself permission to acknowledge the tough things in life, when there are others who have it so much worse than I do? Surely as they say, if we threw all our troubles in to the middle of the room would we all take our own back?

That old adage is probably very true. But I wonder if that’s because we can only see and feel the implications of our own troubles; and the familiarity of those troubles is what would make us choose them over the unknown quantities of anyone else’s. And it is THAT ability to only really understand our own situation and not be able to fully enter into someone else’s that gives us the right to say… my life is not easy!

Let’s take for instance… a toothache. We’ve all had one. So you and I are sitting together watching TV and you tell me that you have a dreadful toothache. I sympathise and I empathise, because I’ve had a toothache and I know the pain and discomfort it brings. In an effort to affirm that I get your predicament, I tell you the story of my toothache and how terrible it was. You’re encouraged that I get it, and we continue to watch the TV…
You are constantly distracted by the pain! It is stopping your enjoyment of the film. It comes in waves and at points it makes you close your eyes, swallow hard and want to cry. You are determined to go to the dentist tomorrow. I know you’re in pain, I see you ‘wince’ and I say something like, “God love you, have you taken a painkiller?” But I’m not distracted by your pain. In fact if you weren’t moving about so much I might even forget that you’re in pain. My sympathy is 100% genuine and my empathy is too, cos I’ve been there. But in this moment I don’t feel your pain, because I’m not in pain.

Does that make me uncaring? Does it make me selfish? I don’t think so. I’m physically incapable of feeling the pain of your toothache, but I’m still sorry you have one!
There are in this world, people who cannot help but feel the pain of others and it inspires them to go and change their world. Mother Teresa immediately springs to mind. But there are many nameless faceless Trojan workers who tirelessly (while in a complete state of tiredness) work for the good of those less fortunate than themselves. But a lot of us don’t. A lot of us try to make our own lives and the lives of those nearest to us, as good and as happy as we can.

Because this is normal life, and it isn’t easy!  (Even if it is easier than someone else’s!)

Blog Action Day 2012 – Giving… into The Power of We!


The heartcry of The Power of We can be heard in many areas of life, if we listen out for it. From issues of mental health to financial difficulty – the message is very similar. “You’re not alone… or, if you are alone, you don’t have to be.”

The Power of We is a concept that also sits very well into biblical thought. From the Garden of Eden when God decided to make the woman, so that the man would not be alone(a), to when Solomon said that, “Two are better than one… if either of them falls down, one can help the other up”(b), to the New Testament where the writer of the letter to the Hebrews urges believers to, “consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another.”(c)

I believe that each individual is responsible for their own connection (or lack of) to God. But as well as “I the Christian”, there is also “We the Church”. I’m not talking about a particular building, denomination or institution. I’m talking about the people of God who collectively as the Body of Christ, make up His Church. Everyday, somewhere, you will find part of that ‘Body’ demonstrating the love of Jesus to those in need!

One organisation doing exactly that is Tearfund. Here in Ireland there is a small dedicated team who, working through churches and Christian organisations across the world, bring help and hope to people living in dire poverty. They work with forgotten children, vulnerable women, people affected by HIV, and provide emergency relief to those who have lost everything in times of disaster.

One of their current campaigns is                        STOP HUNGER NOW! *
Meet Moses – he has been hungry all his life!
Moses would love to be a doctor when he grows up but his dream seems hopeless when his grades slip during the ‘hunger season’. ‘It’s hard to concentrate in school when you are hungry,’ says Moses. He is 13 years old, but because of lack of good nutrician he is the build of a much younger child.

It seems incredible that in a fertile country such as Uganda, with two agricultural seasons a year, people go hungry. But last year, Moses’ family survived on a meagre diet of one bowl of cowpeas per day. ‘I remember my father crying at night and asking God to provide for our family,’ Moses recalls.

Pastor Joseph leads the village church. In an effort to help local people forge their own path out of poverty, as well as Bible teaching, he began providing agricultural training. He taught people about the best types of crops to plant and how to irrigate them.
Moses’ father and mother were eager to learn. They worked hard and, earlier this year, they reaped a bumper harvest. They were able to buy a goat for their family, and Moses and his siblings now enjoy a bowl of nutritious milk every morning before they head off to school.

Moses says, ‘I am very proud of my father and the changes he has made in his life.’
But there are thousands of hungry families like Moses’ praying in desperation for God to provide. Tearfund and the local church can be that answer – with your help. **

In chapter 6 of the Gospel of John, we read the story of a boy who offers his small meal to feed a large crowd. Jesus gets involved and the multitudes are fed! Part of ‘The Power of We’ is the effect that a collection of even the smallest of financial gifts can have. Tearfund reminds us that a lot of these families they work with live on the equivalent of not much more than €1 per day.

Give a little,
it’ll help a lot!

Money troubles are everywhere. Most Irish families are struggling. But we in developed countries must remember that poverty is relative! If at all possible we must keep giving; even if it’s just a little. As the saying goes “it’ll help a lot”.

If you would like to help the work of Tearfund Ireland or just find out some more about their work you can go to their website.

This post was written as a contribution to Blog Action Day 2012

 
 
(a) Genesis 2:18  (b) Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (c) Hebrews 10:24-25
The section from * to ** is based on information directly supplied by Tearfund Ireland. You can find out more at www.tearfund.ie