Five Minute Friday – Why

On 16/02/2018 By auntyamoIn Five MInute Friday, Health, weight & wellbeing1 Comment

It’s a long time since I’ve done a FMF, but here’s goes.
Five mins of free writing on the word ‘why.’

My makeshift bravado sank like a tent without pegs recently when I was sent for a CT scan. It was routine. No one expected anything to come of it. It was just ruling stuff out. I only mentioned it to a few people, I didn’t want a fuss. But as I lay in the machine I remembered the last time I had one of those tests. It was almost exactly 16 years ago. I’d had bad news and they were testing to make sure there wasn’t worse news. It all came flooding back as the large metal donut surrounded me. I thought back to holding my breath, and my tears, as the guy’s voice was kindly asking me to stop moving so they could run the test. Those memories turned what I had dismissed as a routine scan, to one that filled me with fear. Why am I here again? What if it is something? Why would You do that to me? What if I’m sick again? They don’t send you for these tests for nothing. It could be…

I fretted and questioned for a few days until I heard that it was all normal. Then my feelings were mixed with relief and frustration.

What was that for? Why Lord? Why put me through that? Dragging all that old pain and panic for nothing.

I’m still not sure. Maybe to show me that it was nothing – giving me peace of mind. Maybe to strengthen my prayer life – nothing like worry to do that. Maybe to strengthen my faith, or test it.

I don’t know, but it wasn’t for nothing. Nothing is wasted. Even if the ‘why?’ is never resolved. I trust that nothing is wasted.

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Five Minute Friday – Tell

On 15/08/2014 By auntyamoIn Five MInute Friday, Getting to grips with God stuff6 Comments

Time for Five Minute Friday… five minutes of unedited, non stop writing on a given theme. today’s theme ‘TELL’

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There’s so much sad news this week it’s almost overwhelming. The news from the Middle East doesn’t seem to get any better. And God forgive me, I find myself wanting to bury my head… ‘PLEASE don’t tell me any more.’

The news of Robin Williams’ death is so tragic. I was surprised to find myself grieving at one stage. I don’t usually respond that way to the death of rich a famous folk; maybe it is because grief is still near the surface for me.
I find his death is also a bit frightening. To think a man who could make us laugh and think as much as he did, felt there was no other option but to take his life. That scares me.

The other news that deeply saddened me was the story of Vicky Beeching, and her struggle with homosexuality. I’m not sad because she is gay. I’m sad because not being able to tell anyone, or be honest about how she really feels, made her physically ill, with a very serious condition. I’m also sad that now she has come out, she getting so much hatred flung at her. You know I disagree with her position on same sex marriage; Five Minute Friday is not the place for that discussion. But I do believe she has done a brave and honest thing in telling people.

I worry there are people in my life who feel they can’t tell anyone about something that is crushing them. And I suppose I just want to shout out to anyone reading – you can tell me. Tell me anything. If it needs to be said and you’ve no one to say it to, you can say it to me. I’ll try to understand, I probably won’t be able to do anything and but I’ll help if I can.

You can tell God too The Bible says that
we can tell Him anything.
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you – 1 Peter 5:7

Five Minute Friday – Finish

On 25/07/201425/07/2014 By auntyamoIn Five MInute Friday7 Comments

It’s been too long since I did Five Minute Friday… five minutes of unedited, non stop writing on a given theme. Since I’m in a bad mood and am ready to rant about something, today’s theme ‘FINISH’ is just the word I’m looking for!

Before I start though, I should wish all the very best to Lisa-Jo Baker as she passes the baton of Five MInute Friday on next week. She’s been running it for 4 years now. God bless Lisa-Jo x

I’m just about ready to throw in the towel. This job hunting thing is so irritating. I’ve never had trouble getting a job before. So, I’m not sure if I’m more irritated, or maybe my pride is hurt. This particular search for work is making me feel old, and unqualified. So many jobs that I would enough experience for – even 5 years ago, I seemed to be ‘untrained’ for now.

I loved being 40, it felt like a milestone. A great achievement to reach that age and still be alive and happy – even though I’ve struggled with illness and sadness in my life. But the last couple of weeks I’ve felt like scrap-heap fodder. I resent this job hunt for making me feel old and useless.

So what do I do now?

medium_6844604578 — Is this the end of something, or can I dare to believe it’s the beginning of something…?

One option is… I could dare to dream.

I’m excited about developing my writing career, loving the fact that I’m getting great feedback on my stories. Never in a million years would I apply for a writing job though.

I wonder if it’s not that I’m finished, but that the admin secretary in me is finished, and the writer is getting started.

Wouldn’t it be great if that was true? *heavy sighs

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Five Minute Friday: Laundry

On 18/10/201325/07/2014 By auntyamoIn Five MInute Friday, Getting to grips with God stuff, Random Ramblings10 Comments

It’s time for Five Minute Friday… five minutes of unedited, non stop writing on this week’s given theme ‘Laundry’

I’ve checked a few times and I can confirm there are only 2 people living in this apartment. I like to make sure of this every so often, because the amount of laundry I do suggests that there are at least 7 of us.

I have also looked for the secret tunnel leading from our apartment to numerous others.
Someone HAS to be adding to the washing basket in this place. Surely two people cannot get through so many items of clothing. And towels! What the heck is going on with all the towels?

*sigh

One thing I do know is that if I don’t keep on top of it, it gets out of hand. If I get lazy and miss a day or two, it’s curtains. Well actually it’s towels and t-shirts… lots of them.

I used to find an overflowing laundry basket quite overwhelming. I always found it quite depressing. It was more than just the frustration of trying to find a clean pair of socks. It reminded me how unorganised i was and what a rubbish housewife I am.

Becoming a writer has only made that worse… I mean the pile of washing is worse. There is another difference too… and that is that these days I don’t care;
as long as I have a clean pair of socks 🙂

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Five Minute Friday – True

On 27/09/201325/07/2014 By auntyamoIn Five MInute Friday2 Comments

I’m under the weather this week. Have spent most of the time in bed or on the sofa. I’ve missed writing but have not had the brain power to come up with anything.
It’s one of the reasons I love Five Minute Friday… five minutes of unedited, non stop writing on a given theme. It’s quick and easy but still gives the opportunity to be a bit creative. Even if you only have a very small reserve of energy!

This week’s prompt – ‘True’

One of the things that I worry about most when I am ill, particularly if it means that I’m going to be off work, is that people will think I’m making it up. I always feel I have to go out of my way to convince people that I’m not well.

I have a terrible sense of guilt if I have to cancel anything because of being ill – and I’ve had to cancel quite a few things this week. I’m not sure where the guilt comes from, or the fear that nobody will believe me – but it is a real. So I worry in case you’re not convinced that I really am at death’s door (which I’m sure slows the healing process).

I wonder if it is because I used to make stuff up a lot as a kid. I exaggerated stories and told tall tales. Maybe that’s where the writer came from. But as an adult I know I should tell the truth and feel a compulsion to try to convince you that what I am saying is true – because it didn’t always used to be.

It’s not quite five minutes but I’ve used all available energy. So I’ll sign off. I was going to post a picture of myself to prove to you how miserable I look, but I am writing this post on my iPhone, and I don’t know how to do that.

I guess you’ll just have to take my word for it. 🙂

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Five Minute Friday – She

On 20/09/201325/07/2014 By auntyamoIn Family, Five MInute Friday, Random Ramblings4 Comments

It’s time for Five Minute Friday… five minutes of unedited, non stop writing on this week’s given theme ‘She’

The first thing that came to mind when I saw this week’s prompt – ‘She’ – was the question,

“Who’s she? The cat’s mother?”

This was something that was asked, or I suppose, ‘demanded’ when as a child if I referred to someone as ‘she’. I never understood why it was rude. I just knew that it was.

I’m actually quite surprised at how that has brought back a flood of memories about my mammy. She obviously learned her manners from her own mother; who was herself a very quick to point out if I said anything wrong…

I remember clearly trying to shake off the rules of behaviour and propriety that they that they tried to teach me. If I wasn’t nice to someone, or didn’t wait my turn, or even complained when I was asked to do something… I’d be in big trouble. And I hated it. I hated having to be generous other people’s kids. I hated having to share stuff. I hated having to be nice to older people who weren’t very nice to me when she wasn’t around. Even if I told her that, it didn’t matter. I remember the day she told me that I still had to be nice when someone else wasn’t. I only understood that as an adult.

I’m sorry that I didn’t listen to every word she said but I am grateful to her for every effort she made to encourage me to be a better person.

Who’s she? She’s my mammy 🙂

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Five Minute Friday – Worship

On 30/08/201325/07/2014 By auntyamoIn Five MInute Friday, Getting to grips with God stuff5 Comments

Five Minute Friday… five minutes of unedited, non stop writing on this week’s given theme ‘Worship’

Let us enter a time of worship…

Worship the Lord in spirit and in truth…

This is your spiritual act of worship…

Let us continue to worship God with our offering…

Sing songs of worship…

The word worship is a strange one. On the one hand you get this idea of sacred, reverend moments where everything and everyone else is put to aside and God is held above all others. Maybe not actually kneeling down; but certainly assuming a solemn position.

But on the other hand there is a picture of simple daily living. Making decisions and performing tasks in the light of love and mercy that have already been given. A willingness to surrender all power and possessions.

I reckon worship can be elaborate and extravagant. But I don’t think it has to be.
It can be simple and quiet and almost invisible to the passer-by.

Whether you’re swinging from the rafters in praise, or sitting quietly – worship is only worship when it’s happening on the inside. I was once told that your relationship with God is only as authentic as the form it takes when no one but He can see you.

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Five Minute Friday – Last

On 23/08/201325/07/2014 By auntyamoIn Family, Five MInute Friday6 Comments

Here we go with this week’s Five Minute Friday… five minutes of unedited, non stop writing on this week’s given theme ‘Last’

Being the youngest of 8 children isn’t so bad. And I challenge anyone to hold the title of ‘baby of the family’ as long as I did, with oodles of nieces and nephews arriving hot on my heels. (The first one when I was 2½!)

Now that I am a mature adult (*coughs) I try to balance the ‘kid sister’ thing (cos let’s face it, it comes in handy the odd time) with the equal family member with all associated privileges, rights and responsibilities. 🙂

Me with my husband, parents & 8 older siblings on my wedding day 19th August 2000 — Me with my husband, parents & 7 older siblings on my wedding day 19th August 2000

There is one striking memory I have of being last; one of those bitter-sweet ones.
It was when my mother had died and she had been waked at home and now it was time for her removal to the local church. We had to leave the room so that the funeral directors could get ready to take her from the house for the last time.

I can’t remember who asked the question but it was thought that we should file out in order. Initially I was to go first, but then it was decided we would do it the other way – and start with the eldest. We said our final goodbyes, got into a line, and after my Dad, one by one we filed out of my parents’ house, with me the last to leave.

I was proud to take my place in the line. I was the last one to be born to her. The last of her children to live there with her and the last to leave the house; just before she did, for the last time.

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Five Minute Friday – Small

On 16/08/201325/07/2014 By auntyamoIn Five MInute Friday, Getting to grips with God stuff, Health, weight & wellbeing4 Comments

It is a bit of a crazy time which is why it’s been a WHOLE WEEK since I’ve posted! I know I’m a disgrace 🙂 I haven’t been dossing tho… I’ve been hard at work writing and editing in prep for publishing my short story collection. If you haven’t heard about it you can pop over to my fiction blog Fictitious Amo for the news. In the mean time… here we go with this week’s Five Minute Friday… five minutes of unedited, non stop writing on this week’s given theme ‘Small’

Look at me! I used to be small :) — Look at me! I used to be small 🙂

Small… one thing I’ve always wanted to be.
I must have been small at some stage but I don’t ever remember being small. When I look at photos of myself as a teen I don’t think I look THAT big, but I remember the constant nagging of the older generation for me to lose weight. And here I am at 41 still wrestling with the same rubbish. Now the voices are inside my head – always; I don’t need anyone to tell me these days.

Maybe it was/is rebellion, greed, laziness, apathy… I’m not sure but I am not and never will be… small.

I am grateful however to be loved just as I am by lots of people and especially God. That doesn’t mean there is not incentive to make an effort to change. But right here, right now, Ephsians 2 tells me that God’s love for me is high, and wide and deep and long.

Good thing with my proportions eh? 🙂

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Five Minute Friday – Lonely

On 09/08/201325/07/2014 By auntyamoIn Five MInute Friday, Getting to grips with God stuff10 Comments

Here we go with this week’s Five Minute Friday… Five minutes of unedited, non stop writing on this week’s given theme ‘Lonely’

You’ve heard it before haven’t you? The saying that you don’t have to be alone to be lonely.
We all know that we can be lonely in a crowded room. How many kids are lonely on the school playground? How many adults are lonely in a busy work environment?

And so it goes that not everyone is lonely when they are alone.

I reckon that’s because ‘lonely’ is an internal thing.

I have often longed for peace and quiet – and I mean more than just the absence of noise, I mean inner peace and inner quiet. Sometimes loneliness is just too loud.

It might sound like a contradiction, but to me loneliness is a noise. It mocks and it teases and it tries to scare me and tries to steal my peace. Even though I know that God is always with me, sometimes I struggle to feel His presence and I allow the din to take over.

I don’t have any clever lines to finish off with.
No handy hint or tip to combat it.
Sometimes you just have to go through a lonely phase and battle on.

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