Looking back… moving on

On 15/07/2013 By auntyamoIn Getting to grips with God stuff2 Comments

I’m using journals from a time when I was having counselling, as research for a book I’m writing about… a girl having counselling.

Still a long road ahead, but I've come a long way — Still a long road ahead,
but I’ve come a long way

As I’ve gone through them I’ve been disappointed with myself, because I’m still struggling with a lot of the same stuff. The journals were only for me, my counsellor didn’t insist on reading them, but she believed anything I wrote down was significant and should be discussed. So no one has read these journals.

I’m going to share an entry here but first I want to give you some background… In 2002 I had lost all hope of having children, I lost my mother in 2005 and in 2007 I thought I was losing my mind with grief and sadness. I ended up on anti-depressants and out of work for a few months.

The ‘promise’ I refer to in the journal entry, came just before I hit rock bottom in 07. I read 1 Peter 5:10 “And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.” I typed it out and stuck it on my pc monitor in work and looked at it every day.

2 years later and some counselling, I wrote this – still on the meds at the time…

April 2009 – “I know God has restored me as He promised. He gave that word of promise to me from 1 Peter. He is making me strong and helping me to deal with life.. Who’d have thought that life would turn out like this…?”

Yes I am still struggling with a lot of those issues in the journal entries. But that little gem from 2009 reminds me how fragile I was. How close to the edge I came.
And how far I have come.

If you feel like you’ve stalled take a good look back.
Maybe you’ve come a lot further than you think 🙂

The chorus of one of my favourite songs says this…

Lord lead us through the wilderness,
We trust that you’ll provide.
Be our cloud by day and our fire by night,
and when we reach the other side
we’ll look back,
and all we’ll see
is your goodness.
(Stuart Garrett – guitarist with Delirious?)

Getting heat for public prayer

On 09/07/2013 By auntyamoIn Getting to grips with God stuff2 Comments

wow! it’s warm! WAAARRRMMMMMNEEEESSSSS!

auntyamo's phone — This is not a drill!
It is that temp at the moment.

For those of you who are not in Ireland at the moment, we are experiencing somewhat of a heatwave and it is wonderful. I love when you can throw open the doors and windows. Although we do have an issue with stray cats coming into our ground floor apartment. We’ve devised a sort of cat flap that keeps them out – I think 🙂

But I digress… yes – open doors and windows everywhere and the sounds of summer. Lawnmowers, music, kids playing, teenagers trying to impress each other. I’m very conscious of all that is going on outside and love the different sounds that come in. But I’m always quite conscious of what those outside can hear coming from our apartment.

We always pray together before our meals. Nothing elaborate or long. We just stop for 10 seconds to say something that amounts to – thanks for this God, we know it comes from you.

But… shame on me… I’m really conscious of the sound of us praying, making its way out the window. I shouldn’t be but I can’t help it. I’m not one to wince at the sound of my own voice – heaven forefend – but I can’t help worrying what others will think. It’s a terrible weakness I know.

But as I was pondering this. Doing my usual circle of worry and then feeling guilty for worrying, and then worrying… I remembered something that made me smile and gave me a bit of encouragement. When we lived in the UK we had a few nice summers when we had a lot of meals outside. This one afternoon, I was sitting just inside the back door cos the sun was way too hot to sit outside. The kids next door had made a tent out of chairs and a sheet and their mam brought them out some drinks and snacks. One of the kids shouted – “Hallelujah for my crisps”. They all laughed their heads off and another said,”Yes Lord, we thank you for orange squash”. They laughed again and shouted, “Amen.”

I remember laughing a lot too, trying not to let them hear me. Even though they were taking the mick and even though they didn’t mean it, I was glad that our thankfulness to God had made an impact on them. Even if it was a humorous one 🙂

In the story of Daniel in the Bible, he got into big trouble for refusing NOT to pray where people could hear him – it almost cos him his life. I think the least I can do is be laughed at for a bit. And who knows… maybe one day those kids will say it and mean it…!

Five Minute Friday – Beautiful

On 05/07/201325/07/2014 By auntyamoIn Five MInute Friday, Getting to grips with God stuff9 Comments

Here we go with this week’s Five Minute Friday…
Five minutes of unedited, non stop writing on this week’s given theme ‘Beautiful’

It is a beautiful day today.
It’s the second last day of my trip to the UK to visit family and friends.
The weather has been beautiful for most of the week. I think we had one day of rain, other than that, the sun has shone.

porthcawl panoama — I took this when we visited Porthcawl on Thursday 🙂

It’s been great to catch up with everyone, to find out what’s happening in their lives. Some of the ‘kids’ I knew when I was a youth leader in the church are at college or even done with college and getting married. Young whippersnappers who were a ‘handful’ in Young People’s group are now mature young adults, following God and heading out to serve him whether in standard 9to5 work or for Christian organisations.

Older folk who have seen many changes, many of whom have lost a spouse, are still praising God in it all and encouraged to see new life in the church.

It would be wrong to say there are no difficulties or challenges, but we’ve been encouraged to see God’s grace in the lives of those we love.

As I type we’re driving south to see more family and like I said at the beginning, it’s a great day. And not just because of the weather either… 🙂
We’ve seen the faithfulness of God this week and it’s beautiful!

Click the image below to find more info on Five Minute Friday

Post-operative complications

On 02/07/201302/07/2013 By auntyamoIn Family, Getting to grips with God stuff11 Comments

July 2nd! It’s always a day of mixed feelings for me. It’s the beloved’s birthday, his sister & brother-in-law’s wedding anniversary and it’s also the birthday of the only set of twins in my family, as well as a couple of other family members. So over the years it’s always marked.

But as in many things in life, there is a bitterness to the sweetness. On July 2nd 2002 I had major surgery that changed my life for ever. I had the big ‘H’ and with it went all hopes of having babies. I was only 30 and not yet 2 years married – so as you can imagine it was a blow.

I was very well prepared for the physical post-operative complications and what to do. I remember one nurse saying, “Basically they’re going to chop you in half, cut a section of you away and sew you back up – so prepare yourself, your body is going to be in shock for a long time.” As dramatic as that sounds, it did prepare me.

After a week in hospital I went home. I had months of recovery. I was blessed to have 2 great friends who are nurses and a district nurse living in the house opposite us. We were fed every day by a rota of folk from church and work. We were both cared for by so many people, including regular visits from Ireland.

After a while I could walk.
It took time but eventually I could sit and stand with ease.
I was able to drive again after a couple of months and around that time I went back to work.
Because my surgery was cancer related, I attended the hospital for 5 years then was officially discharged.
And here we are 11 years on!

The problem was, no one warned me that my heart would be smashed into a million pieces and slowly but surely it would have to be put back together. Along side the physical recovery, there would be an emotional one. These days I’m pretty much reconciled to the turn my life took that day. I’ve had my rows with God. I still don’t get it but I’m a big believer in the sovereignty of God 😉 Most of the time I’m fine but the odd time, on day’s like Mother’s Day, I get a stab of pain from somewhere.

I’m always amazed at the body’s ability to recover. Cuts heal as skin knits itself back together, broken bones fix themselves, bruises eventually fade away. All these things happen with the help of medical care, but God has made our bodies in such a way that they can fix themselves.

And guess what?! The heart heals too! It takes time, longer than skin and bone, but it does heal. In the same way that some physical injuries leave their mark, injuries of the heart do that too.
But I promise you… the healing will come.

You may well choose to get there on your own, but I highly recommend you let God help you.

Ask Him for help – He will answer.
x

photo credit: kenjonbro via photopin cc

Vicar’s Got Talent?

On 26/06/2013 By auntyamoIn Getting to grips with God stuff, Random Ramblings2 Comments

Well now, it seems that the jury is out on the flashmob dancing vicar!

It’s been very interesting watching the reaction. I’ve seen the youtube clip posted loads of times, with comments ranging from the likes of – ‘this is fantastic!’ to ‘this is the worse thing you will ever see.’

I’ve read Christians who think ‘YEAH God is fun – I want my pastor to do this!’ and a self-confessed atheistic complain that ‘church is a place of worship’ and that this was disrespectful. I’ve also read a blog post by a priest who wonders if this is the type of thing that has the CofE numbers falling. I highly doubt that flashmobs are the reason for low church attendance. (Unless you count the two ladies who walked out in the middle of the dance routine.)

The thing that struck me was the fact that the bride and the vicar spent a lot of their time chatting. Now I’m only guessing but I reckon it might have been something like,

medium_6861100527 greek dancers cropped — We should be grateful that we weren’t subjected to Stavros Flatley… I suppose!

“You doing anything later?”
“Eh, yeah I just got married.”
“Of course sorry. I meant to ask you actually, how is that dress staying up?”
“Oh I’m wired into, don’t worry it’s very secure,… Hang on, where are Aunty Maureen and Aunty Mavis going?”
“Huh? who?”
“Hey be careful for your bit, don’t trip over your cassock again. “
“Gosh that would be embarrassing – oh here’s my cue, back in a sec…”
“Go on girl, you’ve got the moves like Hagar…”

I’ll be honest and say I don’t feel that strongly about it either way, which is a bit weird for me actually. I think it’s a bit cute. This couple have been together years and I think it’s great that they decided to get married. The article in the papers suggest that the ‘type’ of vicar that she was helped make their decision.

I do have a little niggle about it though… I’ve been singing at weddings for years – about 25 I’d say. Most of them have been Roman Catholic weddings, and I’ve seen things change over that time. But one thing that has stayed constant is that during the Mass, the songs have to be Christian. So as the bride walks in, during the signing of the register and as the couple leave – the music can be more personal to them; but during the ceremony it is preferred that the music be ‘holy’. I actually like that. I like that there’s a bit of demarcation; a section where we acknowledge that something special is happening here and we should respect it.

So though I’m not against the flashmob I wonder if, smack bang in the middle of the bit where God has joined the two together is the most appropriate place for it, Maybe they could have flash mobbed out of the church when it was all done and dusted.
But hey… mine is just one of many opinions on this thing. The clip has gone viral and seems to have everyone talking – and that’s no bad thing.

Oh and don’t judge Aunty Mavis and Aunty Maureen for leaving. My guess is they went out to the car to get their driving shoes so they could join in.

God bless and don’t forget… Everybody dance now…

photo credit: DimitraTzanos via photopin cc

Blog Awards Ireland 2013

On 23/06/201302/08/2013 By auntyamoIn Writing, Blogging etc2 Comments

Nominations are now open for Blog Awards Ireland 2013 and this isn’t only a punt for my blog. You should go nominate any Irish blog you love.

There are two new categories open this year. Best Youth Blog and Best Blog from the Irish Diaspora. So on the night we’ll probably have a live satellite-link to the winner of that one.
Very Oscar-esque 🙂

One of the categories I really enjoyed last year was ‘Best Blog Post.’ This is where one individual post is nominated and it is the only category that goes to public vote.
(After nomination, all other categories are judged.)

Maybe there is a post of mine that has stood out for you and you’d like to nominate it…
A few popular ones in the last year are

“I am what I am” – Could I live by this paralympic anthem?

Suicide Awareness Day 2012

Dear Twitter

So if any of those take your fancy for ‘Best Blog Post’ or you reckon the blog itself is worthy of a nomination in ‘Best Personal’ or ‘Best Lifestyle’ maybe… please do nominate by clicking here or the big grey button up there on the right. All categories are on the same page, so you just scroll until you find the relevant ones and fill in the details. The email for this blog is amowriting [at] gmail [dot] com

Thanks a mil for reading and commenting etc – I really appreciate it folks;
and all the best to Irish bloggers everywhere 🙂 x

Five Minute Friday – Rhythm

On 21/06/201325/07/2014 By auntyamoIn Five MInute Friday, Writing, Blogging etc10 Comments

Here we go with this week’s Five Minute Friday…
Five minutes of unedited, non stop writing on this week’s given theme ‘Rhythm’

I’m very strict when it comes to timing.
I don’t mean time keeping, I’m rubbish at that. No, I mean rhythm…

I teach singing and guitar and I’m always trying to drum it in to my pupils (pardon the pun) – the importance of keeping the beat. The whole thing falls apart if the beat isn’t right.

Rhythm… it’s all about the rhythm… No point in 12 quick beats and then nothing for a few seconds and them some more rushed timing. Steady, steady as she goes.

At the moment I’m up to my eyes in writing deadlines. Which is hugely exciting for me. I don’t get paid to write – not yet anyway 🙂 but I’m ok with that. I love it. Have found my thing. But I have come to the conclusion that I have to get in to a rhythm. I can’t do nothing for a few days and then try to cobble stuff together.
If I’m gonna take this seriously well… I have to take it seriously.

I need to heed my own words and get into some steady timing, a regular flow, then who knows what fabulous lyrics and melody will follow?

photo credit: pippoapg via photopin cc

Do you know what ‘Umwelt’ means?

On 19/06/201301/04/2018 By auntyamoIn April AtoZ, Writing, Blogging etcLeave a comment

I didn’t know what it meant until recently.

I met the 1 Hundred Works guys via the AtoZ blogging challenge, which I took part in over on my fiction blog. Akhil and Ayush are two lovely, zany guys who have a passion for blogging and developing an international community around it.

They started a blog called 1 Hundred Works and aimed to get 100 articles written by different folk, about different subjects and I was privileged to be one of the hundred. But that was only the start of it. Their next challenge was the ‘Project 100 contest’.
100 bloggers all writing on the same word prompt and that word is ‘Umwelt’. The competition will be judged but 15% of the marks are given for ‘likes’ and comments on your post. This is to raise the profile of the site but also to encourage folk to work on their marketing and promotion skills.

medium_6155996438 (1) for umwelt on auntyamo.com — In the story Sebastian is a man who likes his privacy

Dictionary.com says ‘umwelt’ means “the environmental factors, collectively, that are capable of affecting the behaviour of an animal or individual; from the German Umwelt meaning environment.”

I decided to write a fictional story that was kind of inspired by my new neighbours and how their style of living (which is very different to the previous tenants’) has changed my day to day living experience.

If you have time to pop over to read my Umwelt post entitled Moving the Threshold that would be great. If the subject itself intrigues you and you have some time, have a read of a few of them. The different ‘takes’ on the word are amazing – it’ll take me a year to read them all 🙂

On the 23rd of June the counting stops and the judges’ decision will be announced on the 25th.
I haven’t had much luck with competitions but hand-on-heart, I am really enjoying them and every time I enter one I learn something. 🙂

photo credit: fiddle oak via photopin cc

Five Minute Friday – Listen

On 14/06/201325/07/2014 By auntyamoIn Five MInute Friday, Getting to grips with God stuff, Random Ramblings8 Comments

I really enjoyed Five Minute Friday that last time I did it, so here goes…
Five minutes of unedited, non stop writing on this week’s given theme ‘Listen’

I can’t stand noises that I don’t know what they are. I find an unusual noise frightening, and I have to go and investigate to see what it is. The most repeated phrase in my house after “pass the chocolate” is… “Sshhhh, listen, what’s that noise?”

The weirdest ‘find’ ever was when I heard a fast scratching sound that would last a few seconds and then stop for half a minute and then start again. Of course (!) the beloved couldn’t hear it and after a few goes I had to get out of bed and find what it was. I followed the sound to his side of the bed and it was definitely coming from under his bedside locker.

I moved the locker and a HUGE beetle was on his back, legs scrabbling trying to turn himself back over. As you can imagine I reacted in a calm and measured way… After screaming the house down, the husband was dispatched to return the beast to its natural habitat.

I’m not kidding, I hear everything. Every little sound and squeak.
But it’s important to me that someone else hears it.
When it happens, I don’t just want him to listen to the noise.
I want him to listen to me.
Listen to my fear.
Reassure me that it’s nothing.

Needy? Maybe.
Silly? Yes.
Important to me? Absolutely vital!

photo credit: cszar via photopin cc

Done and Dusted :)

On 13/06/201313/06/2013 By auntyamoIn My Cornea Transplant, Writing, Blogging etc3 Comments

I’ve been studying pretty much non-stop since I moved back into Ireland in 2007. I started by doing the last stage of my Theology degree by distance learning and then straight away started the Masters programme. If you read my Next Big Thing post I mentioned that the project I was about to embark on was my M.A. dissertation. Well I pondered it for a while and in the meantime had to majorly edit/rewrite a paper I’d already submitted.

I’ve been working on the MA for almost 4 years. My eye trouble slowed me down and after the cornea transplant I never really caught up. Then a year ago I started to write fiction and I’ll be honest, I let it distract me even further. It was too enjoyable to resist.

Clever cupcakes origin_2475149762 — If I’m gonna graduate there must be cake!

So I’ve decided to take a long break from the M.A. Today I handed in the last paper – for now. Presuming I pass it, I’ll be able to graduate with a Post Grad Diploma in Applied Theology and because I’ve finished properly I can step back into the programme to do the dissertation stage and finish the M.A.

You know some decisions in life that are really hard? Well this one wasn’t. It was simple. Bottom line I want to be free to write about what two people on a park bench might say to each other.

p&P — Next to The Bible – the best book ever!

I am so grateful to the team at the Irish Bible Institute who’ve always been so supportive and when recently I was going to throw the towel in, they encouraged me to finish well and bow out in a way that left the door open for me to continue where I left off.

So… I can finally read Pride and Prejudice again. Before my studying started I read it every year since I discovered it. I plan to read lots of other stuff too and write plenty as well.

First stop – The Tribe Writers course by Jeff Goins. I’ve registered but til now have only dabbled.

Time to get stuck in…

photo credits:
clevercupcakes via photopin cc
My very own well-thumbed copy of P&P 🙂