Looking back… moving on

I’m using journals from a time when I was having counselling, as research for a book I’m writing about… a girl having counselling.

Still a long road ahead,  but I've come a long way
Still a long road ahead,
but I’ve come a long way

As I’ve gone through them I’ve been disappointed with myself, because I’m still struggling with a lot of the same stuff. The journals were only for me, my counsellor didn’t insist on reading them, but she believed anything I wrote down was significant and should be discussed. So no one has read these journals.

I’m going to share an entry here but first I want to give you some background… In 2002 I had lost all hope of having children, I lost my mother in 2005 and in 2007 I thought I was losing my mind with grief and sadness. I ended up on anti-depressants and out of work for a few months.

The ‘promise’ I refer to in the journal entry, came just before I hit rock bottom in 07. I read 1 Peter 5:10 “And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.” I typed it out and stuck it on my pc monitor in work and looked at it every day.

2 years later and some counselling, I wrote this – still on the meds at the time…

April 2009 – “I know God has restored me as He promised. He gave that word of promise to me from 1 Peter. He is making me strong and helping me to deal with life.. Who’d have thought that life would turn out like this…?”

Yes I am still struggling with a lot of those issues in the journal entries. But that little gem from 2009 reminds me how fragile I was. How close to the edge I came.
And how far I have come.

If you feel like you’ve stalled take a good look back.
Maybe you’ve come a lot further than you think 🙂

The chorus of one of my favourite songs says this…

Lord lead us through the wilderness,
We trust that you’ll provide.

Be our cloud by day and our fire by night,
and when we reach the other side

we’ll look back,
and all we’ll see
is your goodness.
(Stuart Garrett – guitarist with Delirious?)

2 thoughts on “Looking back… moving on

  1. Hi,

    Glad I found you. I’m trying to read a few blogs about depression every evening as my one of my blogs focuses on depression. I, too, kept journals during some of my rougher times and sometimes it sounds like I wrote the words just yesterday because I,too, seem to struggle with some of the same issues as I did years ago.

    But as I read your post, it dawned on me that while I’ve had some of the same feelings, I’ve NOT acted upon them. They haven’t got in the way of my relationship with God or with anyone else for that matter. We all have those areas where we will probably always struggle. That’s ok. We don’t have to feel bad about it. It’s like the verse in Scripture that says “Be angry and do not sin.” I may still deal will some of the same things I’ve always dealt with but I’m not sinning because of it. I’m not hurting anyone because of it.

    So when I have days where I wonder how far I’ve come, I look at my actions and know I’ve come a long way.

    God bless you and I hope the rest of your day is filled with good thoughts.

    Rebecca (a sister in Christ)

    1. Rebecca, thank you so much and again I apologise for the delay in responding
      I appreciate the encouragement so much. There are days when I feel I haven’t progressed at all – but we’re all on the move 😉 Look forward to reading your blog 😉 x

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