Category: Getting to grips with God stuff

Well I am a Christian…

Humble Origins

On By auntyamoIn Getting to grips with God stuffLeave a comment

I was out with family last night and was recognised! The mother of an old school friend spotted me and after looking at me for a while (a bit unnerving as I’d noticed it), she came and asked me if I was indeed Annmarie Keeley (my maiden name).

She seemed genuinely delighted to have found me and had fond memories of me. “You’d come in to my house all… you know….” and she did this zany gesture that looked to me like confidence and exuberance. I asked about my old friend and we chatted about what I was up to. We talked about the band that was playing and how great they were. She already knew that three members of the band were nephews of mine. Before we said goodbye, she said that any time I came in to her house, she would ask me to sing; and I never said no. Her abiding memory of me is singing in her kitchen.

I think about her a lot. I don’t mean my friend’s mother, I mean that teenager who used to sing in her kitchen.

Last week I was chatting on Spirit Radio about humility and then on Sunday it was the theme of the sermon. Both times the point was made – humility is absent when we talk ourselves up, but also when we talk ourselves down.

phil 2
Philippians 2:3,4

False humility doesn’t just say “I’m SO wonderful.” It also says “I’m SO terrible.” Real humility is not thinking about yourself as better, or thinking about yourself as worse – it is simply thinking about yourself less. Thinking of others first; as the Apostle Paul says in Philippians 2.

I used to think that I was getting more humble as time went on. You know… developing and maturing. But I wonder if I’m getting less humble. I reckon when singing in that woman’s kitchen, I hardly thought about my self at all.

Must see if I can get back to that place (Not her kitchen, that would just be weird! 🙂 )

Photo credit: From Pinterest user Mandy Schaalma

Oh MY God; the God of Abraham, Issac & Jacob

On By auntyamoIn Getting to grips with God stuff4 Comments

I have been pondering the situation in Gaza and the more I think about it, the less I want to think about it. I don’t know much about Middle Eastern politics; the different video clips flying around social media coming from both points of view are compelling, convincing, and confusing. There has been conflict in that region for generations but this feels different; more brutal, more heartless, more evil – if that’s possible.

medium_6077818669Being a Christian, I’ve always felt a connection with ‘the Israelites’. Jesus was Jewish and the Christian church was born out of Judaism. My feelings now remind me of how I felt about the IRA after the Omagh bombing. I had never really expressed an opinion before that, but afterwards I was clear in my conviction that whatever they thought they might achieve, the IRA were not representing me as a citizen of the Irish Republic.

I feel that desire to distance myself from my Israelite connection. Their actions – and I have only the media to rely on for my information – seem cruel and unjust. I’m sorry I didn’t make a note of who I’m about to paraphrase, I couldn’t find it when I went to look for it a second time. But it was something along the lines of…  you defend a punch by blocking it; not by killing the person who punched you, and the killing their wife and children. 

I don’t know enough to comment properly. I’m just thinking out loud really. Totally dazed by the level of destruction and death that this conflict has brought about. I do put my hands in the air and surrender to the fact that, as in both cases mentioned above – there’s tons of history behind this trouble, there is fault on both sides, and I know VERY little about anything.

Many people believe that religion causes war; but I don’t believe that,  I believe that people do things in the name of God to justify their actions. There was a lot of war in the Old Testament, but after Jesus things were different. God no longer dealt with people like that. There’s no nation against nation strife in Jesus’ manifesto. No ‘go conquer the world’; just a command to change the world by being changed, and loving and serving others.

From my comfortable seat I feel quite ineffective to make any difference to a situation happening on the other side of the world. And sad. I feel sad that our world is in such a mess.

I do have hope though. My hope is in my God, the God of Abraham, Issac & Jacob.

I just wish I knew what to pray for.

photo credit: helga tawil souri via photopin cc

Letter to my younger self – Dear Karen…

On By auntyamoIn Getting to grips with God stuff, Guest Posts, Letter to My Younger Self series8 Comments

Delighted to have Karen Huber bring the 3rd in the ‘Letter to my younger self’ series. Originally from Kansas USA, Karen currently lives in Dublin, Ireland with her husband and three children. She’s a stay at home mum and self-described lazy writer, blogging on faith, motherhood and culture at www.karenohuber.com. Find her on twitter at @karenohuber

Over to her…

Don’t be afraid, girl
I remember this age. Even now, I can see you.

You’re sitting on the slant of the roof. A dormer window allows you a bit of freedom, a smidge of rebellion. You have the attic mostly to yourself, a gift from the men of your church who spent sweaty August hours converting the space. You take pride in decorating it, setting up a desk, putting a calendar on the wall and creating soft light with a little white lamp. You sit and pick up the pen, one of those silvery blue ones with a fuzzy ball at the end, and you open the book.

Dear Diary, you write. You’re my only friend.

From this side, I know that’s not true. You have a veritable revolving door of girlhood friends. Amy and Jessica, Beth and Nicole. There are fights, to be sure, but you are not as alone as you think you are.

letterselfIn the pages of that journal, you write out the wrongs, the imagined slights and the heartache of hopes. You write plays in your head late at night, when the thunder rolls in. In primary school you graduate from sad stories with accompanying sad illustrations to book reviews and essays. Your teachers remark on this, reaffirming over and over what you refuse to hear.

You should listen. In fact, the sooner you listen, the easier this will all be.

I want to sit by your side on the roof of that pink house and tell you to stop sighing and winging, to relish the friendships. I want to tell you to perk the heck up and stop being so melodramatic about everything. I want to tell you to stop questioning the affection and worrying for the future, to remind you that not everyone leaves.

And I want to tell you: don’t be afraid.

Twelve is terrible. I know this. I am very literally wincing with humility at the memory. 23 years on and I look to your son; he will be twelve in six months. I’m tempted to be afraid for him, the emotions and the confusion, the hormones and the lack of confidence. I remember you then and worry for him now. But I will tell him the same and choose to believe it, too.

Don’t be afraid.

Oh, there are some caveats:

You will get sick on your communications teacher this year. Obviously, she will not be happy about.

Be kinder to your mother, your sisters. On this side, they will be your best friends, the ones who love you from start to finish.

Secondary school will start rough, but you will find your niche, your people and your voice. You’ll write again in the shade of your English class, and though you won’t be the smartest, you’ll get the highest mark. “You have something here,” your professors will tell you. And this time, you’ll listen, and it will carry you through university and beyond.

karen.square.headshotI’m not gonna lie. Things will get dicey from time to time. You are human, as is most everyone around you. But don’t be afraid. There is a holy beauty in the waiting, in the heartache, in torn pieces being mended.

And on this side, you will know:

Wild, crazy love will enter your atmosphere, sooner than you think (or want). A tribe of children will come to you, filling your heart and your bed in the middle of the night. Ireland will call you, a home you never imagined from the roof of that pink house. And God will wait for you, though you doubt and run, over and over.

Don’t be afraid, girl. Not everyone leaves.

Not even you.

*****

Photo Credits:
1. rolands.lakis via Compfight cc
2. Karen Huber – provided by herself

Arrgggghhhhh! What’s the point?

On By auntyamoIn Getting to grips with God stuff, Random RamblingsLeave a comment

What the heck was today all about?

I left the house without my phone – a thing I NEVER do. I came home hours later than planned, having not bothered to check email acc #2 – even though I was on a laptop logged into #1.

Email from employment agency came in at 9.02 am “The phone number on your CV is wrong and we need to contact you.” But I didn’t see it until almost 5pm.
Hang on…..

THE PHONE NUMBER ON YOUR CV IS WRONG??????? I think not. I proof read that CV 100 times. They must have called and the phone rang out cos it was AT HOME! But no… I look at the CV and the number on it is wrong. The phone number is wrong, on the CV that I have sent out for admin jobs.

Note to self: Take ‘attention to detail’ off the CV when you amend it.

So I reply apologetically, then try his number, and lo! he answers. We have a great conversation. He loves my CV and thinks it’s perfect for the job. The job that is due to start at the end of August and will last for 3 weeks! NOT the job I applied for, the description on the job I applied for was wrong.

I mean…. what…? why….? What a load of wasted energy, then excitement, then angst.
What is the point of all the nonsense?

small__5488847470I don’t know; but here’s the thing. The reason I was late is cos I spent longer than I’d planned with my niece and grand-niece. Guitar lesson, lunch, chats and more chats. It was a fab day. Other news when I got home, I found that a book reviewer who I love is reading my book at the moment and it seems that so far she’s enjoying it. I got an email thanking me for my blogging/tweeting contributions to the Hay Festival in Kells, and the offer of a press pass for next year’s event.

At no stage did I ask ‘what’s the point?’, ‘what did I do to deserve this?’ That is probably because the answer is,.. nothing. Nothing to deserve the nonsense, and nothing to deserve the fun stuff. I reckon sometimes that’s just life; and we get a chance to break Murphy’s law.
Or at least even the scales of rough justice a bit… 🙂

photo credit: yommtde via photopin cc

Crying with Laughter

On By auntyamoIn Family, Getting to grips with God stuffLeave a comment

I met a friend recently and the idea was that we would get together to write for a couple of hours. Spur each other on with a fantastic word count. Almost an hour and a half (and a pot of coffee with biscuits) later, we had done no writing. Well, we had not written anything down. We’d spent the time story telling.

We reminisced about family life, losing our mothers and the painful hilarity of grief.

There’s no doubt that for both of us, losing our mammies was hard. But the stories we shared about their last days and the time spent giving them their final farewell were full of laughter mixed with tears.

I think the release from grief that laughter brings, is a fantastic gift from God. I of course am sad that my mother is no longer around, but the couple of weeks before she died that I spent with my 7 siblings is very precious to me. So many people don’t get to say goodbye to loved ones. I feel very blessed that for two weeks I got to sit by my mother’s bedside and laugh and cry with my siblings as we watched her slowly drift away from us. 

I had the rare chance to sit alone with her, at this stage she wasn’t conscious. Quietly, I sang ( a very ropey version of)  ‘The Lord Bless You and Keep You’, the Rutter version, to her as she slept. It’s a precious moment that is, in equal measure joyful and painful.

large_5343656762
Sunshine and Rain together 🙂

So much sadness, and yet we two friends were able to laugh and laugh as we remembered precious sad/funny times with people we love and the loss of the women who bore us.

I’m a firm believer that God has a sense of humour, I’ve looked in the mirror… 🙂
I think it’s a measure of his grace that He has allowed me to ease the pain of loss by giving me moments and memories that make me laugh, or at least smile.

They say you have to take the good with the bad, and the rough with the smooth – it’s so much easier when they come at the same time.

photo credit: josemanuelerre via photopin cc

Nice to meet you, I’m a lame sinner

On By auntyamoIn Getting to grips with God stuff, Random RamblingsLeave a comment

‘Anagram your name,’ they said. ‘It’ll be fun,’ they said.
Yeah thanks for that!

medium_771321562You mix up the letters of my name and yes, you get some fun nonsense, but smack bang in the middle of the list is raw truth – Annmarie Miles is an anagram for ‘I’m a lame sinner’. It’s up there with the joyful ‘mother-in-law’ anagram right?

How annoying that it happens to be true…

I know it’s an uncomfortable thought for many. To say that we inherently bad, and not ‘naturally’ good. I look at a brand new gorgeous baby and think, “how could there be anything but loveliness and goodness in that little life?” But though I’m not a parent, so can only speak from looking at my own life, and I can tell you this – I didn’t have to be taught to misbehave.  Nor does it seem like the small people I encounter have to be either. I didn’t have to be led towards trouble. I had to be led away from it. My natural disposition was (and in many ways still is) to veer away from the straight and narrow. I had to be taught manners, taught to share, and corrected when I didn’t do it. I don’t know any child who didn’t have to be taught to say please and thank you.

sinner

I know how greedy and lazy I can be. How ungenerous I am – and I’m not happy about it. But I don’t kick my self in the shins about it either. I’m a work in progress. I’m on a journey, one on which I stumble regularly – but I always get back up. I’m somebody with a past I cannot change and a future that is filled with possibilities. I’m someone who believes in the grace and forgiveness of the Almighty God.
I’m a lame sinner – on the road to recovery. 🙂

 

photo credits:
drinksmachine via photopin cc
Terry Rogers via Pinterest

Letter to 15 Year Old Me

On By auntyamoIn Family, Getting to grips with God stuff, Letter to My Younger Self series, Random Ramblings9 Comments

On the About Aunty Amo page I added an option for people to ask me questions. A question that came back to me is ‘If you could write a letter to your 15 year old self what would you say to her?’ So here’s the answer… 🙂

Dear Amo

dispic me
Despicable Me

you won’t recognise me but I’m the older, bigger, more frightened, less stupid & probably at first glance, disappointing ‘you’ 27 years from now.

I doubt anything I say will change you – if mam couldn’t get through then no one will, but here’s a few things to keep in mind.

In about 7 years from now, you’ll have a religious conversion that will frighten the life out of a lot of people around you. It will really annoy others – YOU will really annoy others. It’ll take you a while to get the hang of it but you will.
Keep moving forward.

Those nieces and nephews you have… well they’ll keep coming. Every year, there’ll just be another one. And just when your brothers and sisters stop providing them, the grand nieces and nephews will start arriving. Based on the ones you have at the moment, that might sound like a nightmare (I mean they’re great – but you’re talking about another 30 or so…and counting), but believe me they’ll give your life meaning that you have no ability to understand right now. You’ll end up with lots of babies to hold; and you’re gonna need them.

You will not marry L, D or P. That will seem like a bad thing at the time. IT IS A GOOD THING! You will however marry R. 🙂 And he will think you’re wonderful. You will never get used to how wonderful he thinks you are. In fact you’ll go out of your way to prove him wrong. Try not to do that too much; he’s wonderful too.

Your heart is going to be broken; more than once. I don’t mean by L, D or P. I mean your heart is going to be almost crushed – a few times over the years. The key word here is ‘almost’. You will make it. You’ll think you won’t survive, or be happy again, or even be able to keep breathing.
You will. Honestly… listen…
Hear that? Another breath. They do keep coming.

That religious conversion I mentioned earlier? I played it down a bit but it’ll be the single most transformational thing that’ll happen to you. You’ll still end up 42, overweight, frustrated and often very sad. But you’ll have an eternal perspective on things, a hope that makes no sense, a joy that keeps you strong and a relationship with God that will LITERALLY save your life.

Oh and you’ll end up working for a guy called Rob Parsons. He will say lots of great things, but one of the things you’ll remember above all others will be,
“You’re not as great as you think you are and you’re not as bad as you think you are.”
It’ll turn out to be very helpful advice.

amo permKeep singing, keep writing & keep your chin up. Amo x

ps You were right about The Cure – amazing
pps You were wrong about the perm – disastrous

Just south of ‘conqueror’? Head north!

On By auntyamoIn Getting to grips with God stuff, Spirit Radio1 Comment

On Wednesday night on Spirit Radio, the subject was ‘Being an overcomer – what if I don’t feel like more than a conqueror?’ – looking particularly at the verses towards the end of Romans 8. This is a subject dear to my heart, because I have a problem (which will come as no surprise to you!), and that is, I believe the Bible is true but when I look at my life, some truths are not there.

God inspired the Apostle Paul to declare that ‘in all these things we are more than conquerors’ (these things being trouble hardship, persecution, danger etc). Most of the time I don’t feel like a conqueror. ‘Overcomer’ is not a word that comes to mind when I think about my life.

So myself and Ruth Gyves thrashed it out a bit. What does it mean to overcome? What exactly IS the promise? And if I’m someone who believes in God and wants to put what He says into practise – the question is not ‘how do I become a conqueror?’, it’s ‘how do I live out what God says – that I AM already one?!”

Here’s what we came up with – with the help my hubs Richard too 🙂

  • The fact that God promises we will overcome, means that there will be stuff in life that will need conquering. It is no surprise to him and He is ready for it.
  • There are huge things in life that cause trauma and distress – sudden death, serious illness, global tragedies. But there are also less obvious, ongoing issues. Things that cause wear and tear on our hearts. Loneliness, isolation, depression. Because these things are inward, we often end up dealing with them alone; and that can be crushing to the soul.
    However, they ARE covered by that promise of victory!

medium_4236432686

So… how do we live the truth of God’s promise?

  • Well, any version of ‘conquering’ in our own strength is not going to work. This is where I think I fall down with this stuff. The verse says that, ‘in all these things [see above] we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.’ We cannot do it without God. So we need to call out to Him! Throughout the Bible we see God answering the call of people – whether they deserved it or not. In fact, the less deserving the person, the closer Jesus got to them. Compare his attitude to the woman caught in adultery (John 8) and Zaccheus (Luke 19) – to his attitude towards some of the religious leaders of the time (Matthew 23).
  • To overcome something does not necessarily mean we’ve solved it or made it go away. The promise to overcome is also about enduring to the end. There is a future hope that we cannot even imagine (1 Corinthians 2:9). Elsewhere, Paul talks about ‘light and momentary’ troubles being nothing compared to the glory to come. Not that our troubles are made smaller by God’s power – but that the things he has prepared for us are so wonderful, that in comparison, by ratio they are 1:infinity!
  • We were made for relationships and community. So we also need each other. Like I mentioned earlier, the big traumas in life are obvious to everyone. But the inner struggles, the ongoing wrestling with loneliness, sadness, exhaustion, whatever it is – they are very often unseen by people around us. So ask for help and ask for prayer. Don’t try to do it alone.
  • Spend some time reading God’s Word and praying. The truths that remind us who we really are and what God has done for us, are all there in The Bible. We need to dig in to His truth.
    And I’m talking to myself first by the way!

God is bigger than any and all of our problems and He will not leave us. After the promise that we are overcomers, Paul adds another. A promise God will always be with us.

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8:38,39

Beat that! 🙂

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Music on a Monday – when a song tells you how you’re feeling

On By auntyamoIn Getting to grips with God stuff, MusicLeave a comment

I had just taken my seat in the second row, for the Now & Then Production Company‘s performance of Jesus Christ Superstar (JCS) and I was already battling tears. It was a combination of things; but mainly it was because almost exactly 1 month before, I’d sat in the same spot for my dad’s funeral. The venue was St. Mary’s Priory in Tallaght. Also my nephew was playing Jesus in the show and I knew from what I’d heard that (as usual) his performance would blow me away.

If you’re a regular reader here then you’ll know that 2014 has been hard and I’m slowing getting back to full strength. Tomorrow my friend who died January, would have been celebrating a big birthday. We talked about the shindig he didn’t want to have but that he’d probably have anyway. I promised that even though I couldn’t make the last celebration, I’d definitely be at the next!

You just never know, do you?!

Anyway, second row, JCS, neff on stage, me on the brink…
The show was great. A modern take on the direction and costumes etc. Fab cast and orchestra. And I actually forget for a minute that I was in the church and was engrossed in the performance.
I have to be honest, JCS isn’t my fave – mainly cos it doesn’t make any mention of the resurrection. Jesus is taken down from the cross and that’s pretty much it. But it was a great production.

christopher jcs
My nephew Christopher Keeley playing Jesus in JCS April 2014. Photo from http://www.nowandthenproductions.com

We get to the scene where Jesus is in the Garden of Gethsemane. He’s praying and crying out to God. He sings… “I’m not as sure as when we started. Then I was inspired, now I’m sad and tired.”

The damn burst.

It was like the whole of the last few months had been summed up in that one line. Maybe even more than months. I was talking the other day to a friend about how excited and enthusiastic I used to be. But now… I’m sad and tired.

The good news is that I’m not as sad and tired as I felt that night at the show. But I’ve a long way to go. That night, that song, confirmed how I was feeling.

We’re a long way from Pharrell Williams, but if you know me, you know that I’ll tell you if I get there 🙂

So, tell me about your church

On By auntyamoIn Getting to grips with God stuffLeave a comment

vox on the roadI’ve just come back from showing Ruth Garvey Williams, editor of VOX Magazine, around our church. She is on VOX’s 2nd annual #findingfaith tour of Ireland and has come from Kilkenny and Tipperary today and is heading to Lucan and then to Drogheda tomorrow. Ruth wanted to know about the history of the church and the area; what we do and what we hope to do.

I’m not discouraged by church life at the moment. I love my fellowship and love living in this part of the world. But to show someone around, with fresh eyes and talk about activities and people and how busy and loud (in a good way) Sundays can be – well it was really encouraging. More than that – uplifting 🙂

BrannockstownbaptistSometimes I can be a bit… head down, rotas, what am I doing next Sunday?, have I sorted the FB page, what was agreed at the meeting?, I need to update the site etc. It was so lovely to lift my head and remember how faithful God is to our church. How lovely the people are and how busy Sunday School can be. I showed Ruth around the two church halls we have, as well as our main building. The great facilities that are being used, maybe not to their full potential yet, but full of potential.

Buildings I know so well – I saw again for the firs time; and I drove away remembering again why I love being there so much. My church is Brannockstown Baptist Church by the way 🙂

You can follow the tour on Twitter, following #findingfaith or for more info and photos, pop over to the VOX.ie blog.

And I’d love to hear from you!
If you go to church, I’d love you to tell me about it. I hope that if you even just share a few sentences, you’ll be encouraged.