Category: Health, weight & wellbeing

Health, fitness, exercise, food, contentment

Five Minute Friday – Why

On By auntyamoIn Five MInute Friday, Health, weight & wellbeing1 Comment

It’s a long time since I’ve done a FMF, but here’s goes.
Five mins of free writing on the word ‘why.’

My makeshift bravado sank like a tent without pegs recently when I was sent for a CT scan. It was routine. No one expected anything to come of it. It was just ruling stuff out. I only mentioned it to a few people, I didn’t want a fuss. But as I lay in the machine I remembered the last time I had one of those tests. It was almost exactly 16 years ago. I’d had bad news and they were testing to make sure there wasn’t worse news. It all came flooding back as the large metal donut surrounded me. I thought back to holding my breath, and my tears, as the guy’s voice was kindly asking me to stop moving so they could run the test. Those memories turned what I had dismissed as a routine scan, to one that filled me with fear. Why am I here again? What if it is something? Why would You do that to me? What if I’m sick again? They don’t send you for these tests for nothing. It could be…

I fretted and questioned for a few days until I heard that it was all normal. Then my feelings were mixed with relief and frustration.

What was that for? Why Lord? Why put me through that? Dragging all that old pain and panic for nothing.

I’m still not sure. Maybe to show me that it was nothing – giving me peace of mind. Maybe to strengthen my prayer life – nothing like worry to do that. Maybe to strengthen my faith, or test it.

I don’t know, but it wasn’t for nothing. Nothing is wasted. Even if the ‘why?’ is never resolved. I trust that nothing is wasted.

Find out more about Five Minute Friday here 

photo credit: iwishmynamewasmarsha Why? via photopin (license)

Skipping past January…

On By auntyamoIn Health, weight & wellbeing, Writing, Blogging etcLeave a comment

Greetings folks! So the lurgy that went around did not pass by this house without making its mark. We quarantined ourselves, cancelled our week in Ireland and hid out, taking turns putting the kettle on (depending on who had the most energy).

The rest of Jan was catch up time and it’s only now that I’m getting to writing here. I have not been idle though…

I have decided to self publish a second collection of short stories. My audience is not huge, but I am often asked about the next lot of stories. There are lots written, but sitting in files. It’s time to sort that out.

At the same time, I’m starting the editing process of ‘Have mercy upon me O Lord, a a slimmer,’ my NaNoWriMo work from last November. It was painful to write, and I know going back to edit it will not be easy. SO! I’m enlisting the services of an editor friend who will help me kick it into shape, ready to send to some publishers. It’s not a book I plan on self-publishing. I really believe that if it is meant to be ‘out there’, it will be picked up by a publisher. It is in God’s hands 🙂

However if you just can’t wait… I’m delighted that to be part of a couple of anthologies that have just been published. 🙂

The Association of Christian Writers have published a collection, which I wrote a piece for. If you’d like to do some Lent readings with a difference, you’ll enjoy this. There are different styles of writing, devotional pieces, poetry and some creative writing based on the verses. If you’d like to check it out click here.

And I found out that one of my short fiction stories is in an anthology of poetry and prose. It’s called The Write Time Zine. It’s a new project just getting off the ground, and this anthology is also available to buy online if you’d like to support it.

So, although I’ve taken my time getting going this year – I’m now up and running.

Ah yes… running… I’ll come back to you on that one…

A x

Half way there and still such a long way to go…

On By auntyamoIn Getting to grips with God stuff, Health, weight & wellbeing2 Comments

So in my last post I  promise to fill you in on my change of plan for #NaNoWriMo2017.

I was all set to work on my second novel (first one is still in a drawer btw), but changed my mind at the 11th hour and decided to work on a non-fiction book that I’ve been pondering for a while. All about the weight.

We’re at Day 15 of NaNoWriMo, I’m behind par, and a bit stuck. I’m confident that this is a book I’m supposed to write. At the moment it’s called “Have Mercy on me, O Lord, a slimmer.” It was supposed to be fun and funny to write. But actually it’s tough going.

Non-fiction – truth, is so much harder to write that fiction. With fiction you can write a dream, write the impossible. You can make the doorbell ring and have who ever you like in the known universe on the other side of the door. Make the turn of events happen any way you like. You can write the happy ending.

They say the truth will set you free, but it’s a lot harder to craft because – it is what it is. It can be a terrifying thought when you’re used to lying to yourself. I’ve found that I can’t write about losing weight over the last couple of years, without searching why I put it on over the last 30 years.

I’ve been blogging on and off for about 10 years, writing fiction for about 5 years. This is the first thing I’ve felt compelled to write. I’d rather leave it and go back to my novel. Too late now, it’s Day 15 and I’ve another 30,000 words of truth to get out. This struggle to write, coincides with the most difficult diet week in the 18 months. I just want to eat everything.

If you’re a prayer, please pray for me. The battle is on!

This is my song at the moment 🙂

Memories, like the corners of my mind

On By auntyamoIn Getting to grips with God stuff, Health, weight & wellbeing, Moving from Ireland to Wales1 Comment

I love the Facebook memories function. I enjoy looking back at them; most of the time they are a good laugh. One day last week, some memories popped up that threw me back to what was a very dark time, and I suddenly realised how far I’ve come.

When we moved back to Ireland in 2007 I was in a bad way. I finally let out the sadness that I’d been holding in for a long time. I was on mild medication and going to counselling. I thought that was the beginning of the end; but it turned out to be the beginning of the slow road back to health and strength.

I’m surprised to see myself smiling in the memory photos; inwardly I felt like I was crumbling. Even my hair was awful. I remember coming home from the hairdressers and I cried my eyes out. It didn’t take much to make me cry, but I was so upset by the hatchet job I’d ended up with. Maybe I was too dazed I didn’t communicate properly. I’m sure I showed her a photo, but whatever happened I pretty much ended up with a crew cut. I looked as dreadful as I felt.

The photos are of a holiday we were taking in South East of Ireland in 2008. Friends let us stay in their holiday home. It was a refuge we were grateful for. It was in the middle of nowhere, with no wifi and hardly any phone signal. Just what we needed. Richard was doing a lot of reading and studying for Bible college and sermon prep. I would sit on the floor each day with my guitar, singing and crying to God. It was the lowest I had ever been. I felt sure I’d never recover. I was convinced I was going to die of sadness. It was like I’d saved it up for years; it all came out in one go. Seriously, how I’m smiling in those pics, I don’t know. I remember feeling so empty.

It’s hard to believe the difference. And I suppose that’s the point of this post really. To say that things can change. I didn’t believe God would be ‘the strength of my heart’ – even though I sang it through tears, sitting on that floor.

After my mam died in 2005, God had led to me a beautiful verse which I had taped to my monitor in work. 1 Peter 5:10 And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. I had been hanging on to that hope. I didn’t just want restoration. I wanted it to be true that “he himself” would restore me, even though I did not believe he would.

Over time though, it has become true for me. I feel stronger, firmer and more steadfast than I ever have. That’s not to say that I don’t have rough days,  just flick through some old posts here and you’ll get the drift.

I just want to encourage anyone who feels overwhelmed with sadness. It can change. God can turn your mourning into dancing. It takes time, and a lot of clinging on. He does it though; I promise.

Better than that… HE promises.

Don’t give up! One day, these sad days will be memories.

A x

Milestones

On By auntyamoIn Health, weight & wellbeing, Writing, Blogging etc2 Comments

So last week I finally hit -5 stone in weight loss.

The first 4 stone were gone in 8 months. It has taken almost 6 months to lose that 5th one. My first big goal is to lose 6 stone so I’m still working towards that. But to finally hit another one down gave me a real sense of triumph.

At the moment I’m taking part in NaNoWriMo’s (National Novel Writing Month, usually in November) mid-year Camp NaNo. You can choose your own word count and tap tap tap away each day for the whole of July, tying to reach that target by the 31st. There’s a daily milestone to reach and I love when I get that wordcount done!

One thing I’ve learned about the journey I’ve been on this last year is that I need to celebrate the small victories. Reaching my first big goal of -6 will be fantastic, but it’s taking some time to get to.  Along the way there have been be disappointments and discouragements – mainly due to my own inconsistency. I’ve taken to cheering myself on to stay motivated. If something stopped working I changed it. If I got bored with a certain food or exercise I swapped it out for something else. Now I could challenge myself to ‘stick with stuff,’ ‘push through,’ ‘go the distance’ etc. My problem is, if I lose the battle in my head it’s game over for me. So I’m doing anything and everything to keep going. Including, celebrating the small triumphs. Down a pound, not being up a pound, walking a little further, walking a little faster, clothes fitting more comfortably, some being too big.

Whatever  counts as a win – I’m taking my place on the podium and I’m gonna cheer.

In 10 days time, please God, I will be taking part in the Cancer Research UK, Relay for Life as part of a team from work. For the whole 24 hours someone from our team has to be walking. This is another huge milestone for me. To be both willing and able to walk long distances is another miracle. It’s the first time I’ve ever done a walk for charity. I’m really excited about it.

I highly recommend celebrating every milestone. Every battle survived, even if not won. Every moment of strength, even if not a complete success. Let’s cheer ourselves on, let’s cheer EACH OTHER on. Celebrate the milestones. Let’s journey on to full victory, one tiny triumph at a time. 🙂

Oh and if you’d like to sponsor me for the Cancer Research Relay for Life, please click here. Thanks xx

photo credit: Shemsu.Hor Former times Milestone via photopin (license)

Walking off the worry

On By auntyamoIn Getting to grips with God stuff, Health, weight & wellbeingLeave a comment

I’ve had a very unnerving few weeks.

That sounds so much better than, “I’ve been worried sick for the past few weeks.” We’re told so often in the Bible not to worry. I think it might the hardest command to follow.

I had a couple of hospital appointments for tests that were potentially series but ‘just precautionary’. When they were scheduled I was actually fine about them, but too much time can play with the mind. As the days passed I got more anxious (another word for worrying) and struggled to stay calm.

I drove myself to the first one. It was early, so there was very little traffic about. I had left myself plenty of time to park in a multi story and walk the half a mile to the hospital. As I drove, I asked God for a clean bill of health. I’d already spent a several years attending that hospital some time ago. I didn’t want to be a regular there again.

I know the carpark well and its name, but I wasn’t thinking about it. I parked up and walk down the road; the road shares the same name as the carpark.

I continued in my prayers and, as panic set in, my prayers became frantic – a series of what, why and where questions. I took a few deep breaths and calmed down a bit. The calm prayers returned. “As long as I’m on your path for me Lord, I am fine. Help me know that whatever happens, this is part of our journey together.”

And there is was on a street sign ahead of me, the name of the carpark and the very road I was walking along.

Kingsway.

I was on Kingsway.

I must have driven down that road a thousand times and parked there almost as many. I’d never seen it before.

My steps were more confident from then on. What ever was ahead, He was with me. He answered my worrying (there, I said it), with a small gift; a reminder that the road I’m on in life is the King’s way; come what may.

I thank God that the results I received over the next couple of days were all negative. But in that moment of uncertainty I was being held and held up. Walking in the Kings way, with the King Himself.

If you ask me, it’s the only way to travel.

You’re so sweet for asking…

On By auntyamoIn Health, weight & wellbeing, Writing, Blogging etc3 Comments

I’ve had a few requests for an update, since I wrote my blogpost about giving up sugar, almost 5 months ago. So, here you go…

I went off radar when my sugar withdrawal started. Mainly because, as well as dealing with the eating issues, I also had to do something about my sedentary lifestyle. My health and well-being were suffering. I decided that apart from having to sit at a desk to work, anything that kept me in the chair too long HAD TO GO! That included sitting looking at a blank page – not getting any writing done.

amo-in-running-gearSo I ignored the blog for a while and joined a running club. I don’t do real running. I call it ‘enthusiastic walking’. The dark evenings don’t stop me, I’m kitted out with illuminous arm bands and a headlamp, (these do stop me, but only from running into a tree). Most of the time I want to die (of embarrassment and lack of oxygen, alternatively), but I am glad to be doing it and I feel the better for it.

I’ve been asked for ‘before and after’ photos too. I’m always nervous about them. Cos usually they sound the death knell of any efforts to lose weight. I do think I’m in the best frame of mind I’ve ever been though. In a blog post about dieting, which I wrote eons ago, I said the fatal words, ‘I think I have a handle on the eating thing now.’ That signalled a major falling off the wagon. I wonder if a sugar addict like me ever gets a real handle on it. Probably not, but I’m certainly winning at the moment.

amo-1
auntyamo – 1

I wasn’t confident enough to take a ‘progress’ photo until after the first stone had gone.  Already my favourite comfortable top was starting to hang (a little) and I could see my face changing. I can’t even bring myself to post photos from before that. I don’t think I even ‘saw’ them at the time. I see them now and I can’t believe it. I’m not ashamed of them, just very sad that I waited so long to sort myself out.

I know lots of people don’t like to let the scales rule their progress, but I have to have that weekly accountability. The photos are great and the fact that now I’ve had to buy smaller clothes is fantastic, however the numbers still mean something to me. I try not to get hung up on them, but they do help.

amo-3-and-a-half-2So, if I lose 1lb this week, I’ll have lost 3 and a half stone. I’ve been using myfitnesspal since 2012 but never got anywhere near this number until I vamoosed processed food and sugar from my life. I can’t begin to tell you how different I feel, in every way. I have been praying for years about my weight. Asking God to help me and show me what I need to do. I really believe that this is the answer to those many years of prayer. I’m not saying I won’t ever make a blunder, or lose the plot. I just know that this is the way I can conquer my addiction.

And now it feels like time to get my bum back into the chair – but not for too long. I’m looking forward to writing again, and finding a balance between my writing life and my active life.

Thank you so much to those who’ve been with me on this journey. And thank you blog followers for sticking with me. Hopefully… normal service is resumed.

Whatever that is! 🙂 x

 

My Sweet Lord!

On By auntyamoIn Health, weight & wellbeing, Letter to My Younger Self series11 Comments

I wish I could find that photo of myself.

I’m about 12/13 and am sitting on a sand dune on Ballinaclash beach in Co. Wexford. I’ve got my legs crossed and my hands on my knee with a ‘strike a pose’ look on my face. I’m wearing a red bathing suit and there are at least three places to ‘pinch an inch’; but I don’t seem to care. In fact, I don’t remember being aware of the ‘rolls’ as I posed for the photo.

I doubt there’s a photo of me after that time where I’m not self-conscious about how I look. (Discount any where I’m not sober.)

If you’re familiar with this blog then you’ll know that every so often, the subject of eating and weight rears its rotten head. My blogging journey started with a series of posts about weight loss (or not) it’s been coming around like Christmas (only not as often…) You’ll find some examples here and here.

For the last few months I’ve been reading blogs and Facebook pages about the subject; most posts giving actual pain because they talk about a land that I’ve not been to for a long time. A land where I’ve got my food:activity ratio as it should be. A land where I’m looking after myself properly. And more importantly, a land where I’m happy with myself; and my swimsuit, with its rolls.

25482907745_d195113ddd_qIt might sound like I’m jumping on the band wagon, but I’ve known for a long time that sugar is my nemesis. I’ve said before that I’ve an issue with food, but I’ve never really believed that I am an addict. I do now though. I love, want, need and crave sugar – in any and all of its forms. Have you read those articles that tell you sugar lights up the same parts of the brain that a cocaine hit does? I’m not a bit surprised. I can think of nothing better than a bucket load of chocolate and a key. To lock the door behind me so I can eat it in secret.

So… about a month ago I quit. None in coffee, none on cereal – in fact no cereal except porridge. No processed food, just fresh meat and vegetables, salads and fruit; you know… all the good stuff. I’m allowing myself a minimal amount of bread and potatoes. (Come on, I’m Irish. I’d have to hand in my passport if I stopped eating the spuds altogether).

I worry about writing a post like this. Saying it out loud is usually the beginning of the end of a diet for me. I’m praying that this is a life change, a turning of my heart towards full dependence on God, and not a sugar buzz, to give me joy.

I’ll be honest, I’m grieving a bit. I’m sad that (please God) I’ll never eat a whole bag of Haribo in one sitting again. That I won’t be enjoying sugary chocolate with sugary coffee on a regular basis. And I’m scared – cos sugar makes me feel better, and what if my whole food bars and a cup of green tea don’t do the same?

I pray these words from Psalm 119: 103 will be true for me and I will get the sweet rush I need from Him.

“How sweet are your words to my taste,
sweeter than honey to my mouth!”

If you’re interested, the FB pages I’ve been following are Teresa Sheilds Parker, Sundi Jo and Just Eat Real Food  and if you’re a prayer, please pray for me. I need it!

Thanks, A x

photo credit: Sugar via photopin (license)

10 Day You Challenge, Day 6 – 5 Foods

On By auntyamoIn Getting to grips with God stuff, Health, weight & wellbeingLeave a comment

Day 6 of the ’10 Day You Challenge’ 10-days-you-challenge2 copy Today – 5 foods… 😉 YUM! 

enchiladas1. Enchiladas with cornbread
I was introduced to Mexican food by some Californians – some of Mexican extraction. I am not into hot hot hot food – but I do like tasty food and mexican is one of those foods that you can get lots of taste without killing yourself with chilies…Brownies

2. Chocolate
In any form, shape, size or texture 🙂
These are my brownies.

poppyseed cake

3. Poppy Seed Cake
Thanks to Starbucks and the likes, poppy seed muffins are all the rage now – but I was making poppy seed cake before it was cool. (Not sure whether that’s a good or bad thing…) It is one of my no fail recipes and again was taught to me by an American. And yes – I’m a ‘cups & spoons’ girl. I say ‘huh!’ to your weighing scales.

4. Brennan’s Batch Loaf with ham that has just been cooked, a bag of Tayto cheese and onion crisps and a glass of TK red lemonade Christmas Eve supper in my mam’s house – ahh precious memories

My Bible5. The Bible
Food for the soul. Sometimes not as sweet as my tastebuds would like – but very nourishing.

Matthew 4:4 Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.

Photo credits: The 10 Day You image above doesn’t seem to come from any central website but can be found on many that have done the challenge. Many use it but there does not seem to be any original source info available. The others were taken by me.

Five Minute Friday – Small

On By auntyamoIn Five MInute Friday, Getting to grips with God stuff, Health, weight & wellbeing4 Comments

It is a bit of a crazy time which is why it’s been a WHOLE WEEK since I’ve posted! I know I’m a disgrace 🙂 I haven’t been dossing tho… I’ve been hard at work writing and editing in prep for publishing my short story collection. If you haven’t heard about it you can pop over to my fiction blog Fictitious Amo for the news. In the mean time… here we go with this week’s Five Minute Friday… five minutes of unedited, non stop writing on this week’s given theme ‘Small’

Look at me! I used to be small :)
Look at me! I used to be small 🙂

Small… one thing I’ve always wanted to be.
I must have been small at some stage but I don’t ever remember being small. When I look at photos of myself as a teen I don’t think I look THAT big, but I remember the constant nagging of the older generation for me to lose weight. And here I am at 41 still wrestling with the same rubbish. Now the voices are inside my head – always; I don’t need anyone to tell me these days.

Maybe it was/is rebellion, greed, laziness, apathy… I’m not sure but I am not and never will be… small.

I am grateful however to be loved just as I am by lots of people and especially God. That doesn’t mean there is not incentive to make an effort to change. But right here, right now, Ephsians 2 tells me that God’s love for me is high, and wide and deep and long.

Good thing with my proportions eh? 🙂

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Five Minute Friday