Losing my resolve…


Not long now... I better hurry up!

Not long now…
I better hurry up!

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I am not ready for the New Year that is almost upon us! Usually I’m gung-ho for it!

Actually that is not true. USUALLY I feel the NEED to be gung-ho and at the very least feel guilty for not being so. But not this year.

I started this post about 6 times and chucked it half way through each time. I’d start something different but kept coming back to this one only to rip it into shreds (or whatever the e-quivelent of that is). I even tried a version of this post in poetry form…

 

I’ve eaten so much, I feel I could burst
But still I’m not ready for January 1st
I’ve given up all I want to, or can
I’ve nothing to purge on the first day of Jan

I’m quickly coming to the dismal conclusion that tomorrow really is just another day!
I’ve written before about how I love a new notebook and how neat my writing is for about a day; then it’s back to my own version of hieroglyphics. Well my life follows a similar pattern.

I think my question is… what does it matter when by page 2, Amo will be back to her usual illegible scribble and scrawl !?
Why bother to start again with the – (delete as applicable) diet/prayer journal/financial rec./housework organisation/study timetable (nothing to delele there? nah me either!) when I keep making a total pig’s breakfast of the whole thing?
And I don’t have an answer to that question! Which is probably why I’ve not been able to finish the post. Heaven forefend that I should write something without an answer; or even a punchline.

On this New Year’s Eve, for the first time I can remember, I’m not looking to next year with an excited… ‘this could be the year everything changes’ attitude. And maybe that’s actually healthy.
The Bible tells us that the mercies of God are new every morning. (Lamentations 3:22-24) So if I was to start tomorrow and fail on Thursday, then start again on Saturday and fail again by Monday… well that’s ok cos I can always start again on the Tuesday… and so on. Well it’s what I did last year – so it can’t hurt.

In music (now try to stay with me here) – resolve means ***
“to progress from a dissonance
[a simultaneous combination of tones conventionally accepted as being in a state of unrest and needing completion]
to a consonance
[a simultaneous combination of tones conventionally accepted as being in a state of repose].”

Today I find myself unresolved! I feel like I’m singing a scale and can’t find the last note. Try it…
Doh… Re… Mi… Fah… Soh… Lah… Ti… Ti… Ti… you know there is something that rounds off the scale but I can’t find that note.

Despite my harrumph-esque musings I do wish you all a really great New Year. I intend to celebrate the New Year’s arrival at a family shindig.
But I don’t promise to be any different tomorrow. Or the next day – or even the day after than.

I’ll let you know how Friday turns out 🙂

 

*** http://dictionary.reference.com/

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4 thoughts on “Losing my resolve…

  1. jesusartprints

    Haha..this is so true. So many times people look at the New Year to mark new beginnings but in reality, our beginnings are when we are ready for them. The calendar has very little to say in regards to our individual rhythms.

    Reply

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