Come Back Soon!


http://www.vox.ie

For some reason it’s a week of memories for me.

I told this story in one of my articles for VOX Magazine*. Maybe it has come back to mind because it happened around this time last year, or maybe it’s because my friend has just lost his mum.

Probably a bit of both…

Come Back Soon!
I had to say goodbye to my husband for a month recently. We haven’t spent much time apart so the prospect of 4 whole weeks wasn’t fun!

In the days leading up to the goodbye I managed to hold it together but when we got to the barrier in the airport that only I could pass, I was not able to hold back the tears. We said our goodbyes and as soon as he was out of sight I let go and sobbed like a child.

By the time it was my turn to send my bag through the scanner and walk through the security doorway thingy, I was a total mess. When I walked through, a female security guard stopped me and asked if I was ok. Through the various liquids associated with sobbing, I managed to say that I was ok. “Are you sure?” she said, “Will I get you a chair so you can sit down for a minute?”
“No” I said, “I’m ok really. It’s just that….. I’ve just left my husband and…..” that was as far as I got. I burst into another bout of ‘extreme crying’ (a much underrated sport in my opinion)!

She stared and me and said, “You’ve just left your husband???? Oh my goodness! Let me get you a glass of water or something!”

By now there was a queue behind me, a crowd around me and a conveyor belt of hand luggage going nowhere. I tried hard to explain that I hadn’t actually LEFT my husband, I had just left him behind and REALLY was ok. The other security guards had heard enough and resumed looking sternly at people.

Suitably mortified, I gathered my belongings and scuttled away praying that none of the people who had witnessed the incident were on my flight.

By the time you read this we’ll have been reunited but as I write I’m still missing him. I know that soon he’ll be back but at the moment I’m longing for the day when we’ll be reunited.

I love hugs 🙂

But I’m not the only one longing for a reunion am I? Saying goodbye to people is a sad inevitability of all our lives. Whether it’s goodbye at an airport or goodbye at a graveside – parting is hard. But a day is coming when there will be no more goodbyes, no more partings, no more tears. That is a promise from God – our happy inevitability. And as I wait to be reunited with my beloved, I’m also waiting to be united forever with my Beloved.

I can’t wait! For both reunions 🙂

 
 
This article was in VOX Magazine October 2011 as part of my regular column ‘Confessions of a Feint Saint’
This year, for the first time they are producing a Christmas edition. Click here to go to their website.

Response and follow up to – Saying it out Loud


On Twitter earlier this week, I referred to this old blog post. For some reason it had popped into my head and I was mulling it over. The post mentioned that for the first time, I’d done a public talk about being childless.

I got a couple of comments/questions about it. After thinking about it for a while I realised that unless you knew the Bible story I referred to, it might not make sense. So, rather than add the story as another blog post I thought I’d put the recording of the talk up on MixCloud. It’s about 20 minutes long and still may not make sense 🙂

You’ll find it here, if you’d like to listen 🙂

A Win-Win Weekend!


I won a signed copy of Louise’s book while I was there 🙂
Last weekend I went to a wonderful Weekend Writer’s Retreat in Carousel Creates. I met some great people including the lovely Louise Phillips, author of Red Ribbons.
 
I’d actually won the weekend. When booking a 1 Day Retreat, I entered the competition on the website. The challenge was to write a piece entitled ‘I am a Writer’ – 300 words or less. I knew I wanted to be one, but wasn’t sure that I could say that I was one…
 
So I wrote something quickly and entered the competition before I had time to change my mind… and it came 1st… yeay! Here it is 🙂

I am a Writer

I said if for the first time recently. It was actually in a fairly heated email exchange. I was trying to explain to my friend why my Facebook page was suddenly flooded with mentions of my blog and other stuff I’m working on. Typing fervently on autopilot I said “Maggie, I am a writer! That is what I do and it just happens that lately I’ve had more opportunities and I’ve wanted to share that…. !

Reading back before hitting the Send button I was shocked at that phrase. “I am a writer” I couldn’t believe I’d said it out loud. I’ve been wanting to for so long. But there’s a voice in my head, telling me how presumptuous I am to even think it.

When I meet new people I introduce myself in terms of my work, my husband and my faith. I never put ‘writer’ into that initial summary of who I am. Eventually talk of my blog will come out, or I’ll start to talk about my MA studies and what I hope to do afterwards. Once someone actually said…
“You’re not Annmarie Miles who writes for Vox are you?”
Yes that’s me… quite happy for you to say it, but I couldn’t possibly…

So who decides when a bloggette, a woman with a head full of stories, a gal who can run you up a song as quick as a sandwich, a complicated missis with the desire to make folk laugh but not be laughed at…. who decides when she can call herself a writer?

Maybe I can give myself permission to say it out loud. I just need to practise saying it in the mirror. I need to get used to the sound of my own voice uttering those words.

YES! I. AM. A. WRITER!

I want to wriiiiiiiite!
 
From November 1st I’m going from full time to part time in my job. So I’m going to have a lot more time. I feel the need to take this writing stuff seriously. Watch this space…
 
 
 (Please note: you’ll probably be ages watching this space before anything happens – feel free to go off for a coffee or something. The space will most likely still be here when you get back :D)

Who’da Guest it?!


So where can you find me?

Well I’ve a regular column in VOX Magazine (back issues can now be read online). I’ve also had articles published in WHOA Women magazine.
I’m an Emerging Writer member of writing.ie and so contribute to the member’s blog the odd time.

I’m delighted that I’ve had the opportunity to write a guest post for a few different blogs/sites etc. And there are more in the pipeline.

So I thought it I’d make a list which I’ll add to as I do more… 🙂

Regular posts:
VOX website
www.divacafe.net
www.writersfunzone.com

Guest Posts:
Grader Gal Books Blogger Interviews Oct 2012, May 2013
1 Hundred Works May 2013
The Love & Life Project May 2013
Keratoconus GB – Living with KC Mar 2013
Carousel Creates Jan 2013, Mar 2013
Joint Post with my cornea donor’s mom Feb 2013
Anseo A Mhúinteoir Oct 2012
Successful e-Writer Oct 2012
Southern Belle Sept 2012

 

I’m very grateful to those who’ve allowed me to talk through my hat their blogs! I consider it a real privilege. Thanks folks 🙂

This is normal life, it’s not easy!


Before going on the One Day Writer’s Retreat last month, I asked for a list of random titles to write about – testing my ability to write ‘on demand’.
The title ‘This is normal life, it’s not easy! was suggested by my friend Trish.

I love to lose myself in a good film. Or maybe a few episodes of Downton Abbey… I try to read Pride and Prejudice every year as it is my favourite book in the world – and when I do I’m there… at Longbourn, in Meryton, on Cheapside, in Pemberley. But I know I can’t stay there. I know I have to come back. Back to normal life.

I don’t live in abject poverty, I don’t even live in pleasant poverty. I have a good life, I am happy in my marriage and although I am sad that I’ve no kids, I don’t grieve like used to about that. I have a strong faith that helps me, guides me, encourages me, teaches me and shows me where I’m going wrong. I have a huge family that I love to spend time with and I have a great circle of real friends. I also have quite a few Twitter friends too – or twiends as I like to call them.

So who am I to say that my life isn’t easy? Can I give myself permission to acknowledge the tough things in life, when there are others who have it so much worse than I do? Surely as they say, if we threw all our troubles in to the middle of the room would we all take our own back?

That old adage is probably very true. But I wonder if that’s because we can only see and feel the implications of our own troubles; and the familiarity of those troubles is what would make us choose them over the unknown quantities of anyone else’s. And it is THAT ability to only really understand our own situation and not be able to fully enter into someone else’s that gives us the right to say… my life is not easy!

Let’s take for instance… a toothache. We’ve all had one. So you and I are sitting together watching TV and you tell me that you have a dreadful toothache. I sympathise and I empathise, because I’ve had a toothache and I know the pain and discomfort it brings. In an effort to affirm that I get your predicament, I tell you the story of my toothache and how terrible it was. You’re encouraged that I get it, and we continue to watch the TV…
You are constantly distracted by the pain! It is stopping your enjoyment of the film. It comes in waves and at points it makes you close your eyes, swallow hard and want to cry. You are determined to go to the dentist tomorrow. I know you’re in pain, I see you ‘wince’ and I say something like, “God love you, have you taken a painkiller?” But I’m not distracted by your pain. In fact if you weren’t moving about so much I might even forget that you’re in pain. My sympathy is 100% genuine and my empathy is too, cos I’ve been there. But in this moment I don’t feel your pain, because I’m not in pain.

Does that make me uncaring? Does it make me selfish? I don’t think so. I’m physically incapable of feeling the pain of your toothache, but I’m still sorry you have one!
There are in this world, people who cannot help but feel the pain of others and it inspires them to go and change their world. Mother Teresa immediately springs to mind. But there are many nameless faceless Trojan workers who tirelessly (while in a complete state of tiredness) work for the good of those less fortunate than themselves. But a lot of us don’t. A lot of us try to make our own lives and the lives of those nearest to us, as good and as happy as we can.

Because this is normal life, and it isn’t easy!  (Even if it is easier than someone else’s!)

Blog Action Day 2012 – Giving… into The Power of We!


The heartcry of The Power of We can be heard in many areas of life, if we listen out for it. From issues of mental health to financial difficulty – the message is very similar. “You’re not alone… or, if you are alone, you don’t have to be.”

The Power of We is a concept that also sits very well into biblical thought. From the Garden of Eden when God decided to make the woman, so that the man would not be alone(a), to when Solomon said that, “Two are better than one… if either of them falls down, one can help the other up”(b), to the New Testament where the writer of the letter to the Hebrews urges believers to, “consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another.”(c)

I believe that each individual is responsible for their own connection (or lack of) to God. But as well as “I the Christian”, there is also “We the Church”. I’m not talking about a particular building, denomination or institution. I’m talking about the people of God who collectively as the Body of Christ, make up His Church. Everyday, somewhere, you will find part of that ‘Body’ demonstrating the love of Jesus to those in need!

One organisation doing exactly that is Tearfund. Here in Ireland there is a small dedicated team who, working through churches and Christian organisations across the world, bring help and hope to people living in dire poverty. They work with forgotten children, vulnerable women, people affected by HIV, and provide emergency relief to those who have lost everything in times of disaster.

One of their current campaigns is                        STOP HUNGER NOW! *
Meet Moses – he has been hungry all his life!
Moses would love to be a doctor when he grows up but his dream seems hopeless when his grades slip during the ‘hunger season’. ‘It’s hard to concentrate in school when you are hungry,’ says Moses. He is 13 years old, but because of lack of good nutrician he is the build of a much younger child.

It seems incredible that in a fertile country such as Uganda, with two agricultural seasons a year, people go hungry. But last year, Moses’ family survived on a meagre diet of one bowl of cowpeas per day. ‘I remember my father crying at night and asking God to provide for our family,’ Moses recalls.

Pastor Joseph leads the village church. In an effort to help local people forge their own path out of poverty, as well as Bible teaching, he began providing agricultural training. He taught people about the best types of crops to plant and how to irrigate them.
Moses’ father and mother were eager to learn. They worked hard and, earlier this year, they reaped a bumper harvest. They were able to buy a goat for their family, and Moses and his siblings now enjoy a bowl of nutritious milk every morning before they head off to school.

Moses says, ‘I am very proud of my father and the changes he has made in his life.’
But there are thousands of hungry families like Moses’ praying in desperation for God to provide. Tearfund and the local church can be that answer – with your help. **

In chapter 6 of the Gospel of John, we read the story of a boy who offers his small meal to feed a large crowd. Jesus gets involved and the multitudes are fed! Part of ‘The Power of We’ is the effect that a collection of even the smallest of financial gifts can have. Tearfund reminds us that a lot of these families they work with live on the equivalent of not much more than €1 per day.

Give a little,
it’ll help a lot!

Money troubles are everywhere. Most Irish families are struggling. But we in developed countries must remember that poverty is relative! If at all possible we must keep giving; even if it’s just a little. As the saying goes “it’ll help a lot”.

If you would like to help the work of Tearfund Ireland or just find out some more about their work you can go to their website.

This post was written as a contribution to Blog Action Day 2012

 
 
(a) Genesis 2:18  (b) Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (c) Hebrews 10:24-25
The section from * to ** is based on information directly supplied by Tearfund Ireland. You can find out more at www.tearfund.ie 

Group Therapy


It was with a spring in my step that I made my way to one of our local pubs here in Kilcullen to join the newly reformed Kilcullen Writer’s Group. I just happened to spot a mention of it on the The Diary and thought… I’ll have some of that thank you!

At the recent Culture Night event held in the town, members of the original group had been inspired to restart it. Perfect timing for me – and very considerate of them to hold it just a short walk from my house 🙂

There were 5 of us (with an extra 2/3 promising to come to the next one). All women and all with different writing experiences and styles. It was so nice to chat with folk who ‘get it’! This is still relatively new for me and already I feel I’ve bored anyone who’s not into the writing thing! We discussed inspiration, disappointment, what we read, writer envy, pen & paper v computer, courses & retreats, and we all read something we’d written.

To type or to scribble?!

We talked for about two hours and laughed for most of it. Already there’s an excursion on the cards and even the possibility of getting involved in Kilcullen’s contribution to The Gathering festivities…

It was all very encouraging & inspiring and just what I need as I contemplate some big changes coming my way – more on that anon.

Suffice to say, I’ve found the perfect therapy group. I go along, confidently stand up and say “Hello I’m Annmarie”, (nod at responses.. Hi Annmarie) “and yes… I am a writer”. And the great thing group is… I don’t even have to quit my addiction!

Janey! What will God say? – for H


I wrote the following for radio. The situation has passed and it seems that everything is going to be ok. But now a friend finds herself in a similar position. So rather than say it all again I thought I’d share the piece I wrote and recorded.  Janey isn’t her real name btw…

Janey! What will God say?
As I sit here I’m praying for a little girl. Janey and her mammy, daddy, granny and everyone else connected to her. She’s not well and no one is 100% sure what the problem is. It has the potential to be life threatening or it may be a condition that needs a lot of treatment…. and once that’s administered she’ll be right as rain.

But at the moment we don’t know.

Now I could wait… and write this when it’s all over. When we know what the diagnosis and prognosis is. I could wait until we’re either broken hearted by the worst news and terrified for her future, or relieved beyond belief and determined to be thankful every day for her!
I’m one of the few ‘committed Christians’ that the family know. And as usual I was one of the first people to be contacted about it and asked to pray. And that’s great. But I must be honest, the whole area of ‘hoping’ and ‘God’ is a difficult one for me at times. I’ve been through that process. I’ve been through the receiving bad news… possibility it’s wrong… then confirmation that it’s right… but possibility it can be fixed… then confirmation that it can’t… then surgery, then childlessness. All through that time half the world was praying. I was confident that God would heal me, and not only that, but my whole family would see His glory and fall to their knees and worship Him for the rest of their days.

But God said no.

Not… ‘keep praying Annmarie’, not ‘maybe’ and I’m still finding it hard to believe he was saying ‘No, but I’ve got something better for you.’ He just said no.  That was 10 years ago. And it took a long time for me to accept it.

My 27 nieces and nephews 🙂 They take the sting out of not being a mammy ❤

That whole process now changes how I respond to Janey’s situation. I pray as passionately as I’ve ever prayed for her test results to be positive only for something easy for her and us to deal with. That is my heart’s desire. But as a Christian I MUST pray that God’s will is done. I MUST pray that no matter what the diagnosis, Janey’s parents  and other family will be strong, will be comforted by God and will work together to help each other.

And if they shake their fists at God, that He will respond like the merciful One that He is – and will show mercy. And that even in the midst of the panic and the pain that one day they will see His glory and fall to their knees and worship Him for the rest of their days. Not because He has given us the answer we wanted, but because he is worthy of all glory, honour and praise…. even when he says NO!

If I was a poet, surely I’d be aware of it…


When I was on the Writer’s Retreat last Saturday I took one of the suggested titles and made it in to a silly poem. I’m fairly convinced that National Poetry Day strives for higher than this effort but ahh shure… I might as well…

There’s a Mouse in the House (I can’t remember who suggested this title – let me know if it was you!)

There’s a mouse in the house, I can hear it
He’s scratching his way ‘round the floor
I can’t say I’ve seen him
Maybe I dreamed him
Oh janey I hope there’s no more!

this is the only mouse I ever want to encounter thank YOU!

There’s a mouse in the house, heaven help me
I’m afraid of me life of those things
They’re slimy and hairy
And just a bit scary
And think of the germs that he brings

There’s a mouse in the house and I hate him
He chewed his way through me phone cable
Escaping the trap
He left loads of crap
Me nerves are in bits, I’m not able

There’s a mouse in the house, I can’t bear it
Move house, it’ll be for the best
I’ll sell the place cheap
The lot they can keep
I just want to be rid of that pest

There’s a mouse in the house, I’ve gone barmy
I thought I saw two little eyes
They darted right past me
Tiny but ghastly
The power he has at his size!

There’s a mouse in the house – but I’ve cracked it!
I’ve borrowed a cat for a week
It’s the end for that mouse
From now on in this house
There won’t be so much as a squeak