I’m running late this week, so will be playing catch up this evening.
M is for Mammy, as in my mother.
Mammy regularly tried to encourage me to lose weight. I know she was very worried about my health. When I was in the zone and trying hard, she did everything to help me. She bought and cooked all the food that would make it easier for me to lose weight. Dieting was a regular part of my life from the time I was about 12. I’ve been on and off diets ever since.
I talk about it in the book I’m writing, how I wish I’d stayed happy with myself. All I ever did after a diet was get bigger. I’d have been better off staying as I was. I never saw watching what I ate as a permanent way of life. It was a stop-gap to make myself feel better and get my mother and others off my back.
I regret not sticking with it, not just because it’s harder now, but because my mammy is not here to see the long-term changes in me. I’m grateful for all her nagging, all her shopping and cooking, all her encouragement and worry. I only wish I’d done it right back then. But I can’t go back; I can only go forward and dwell on the joy it gives me and would give her, to see me lose more weight and get stronger and healthier.