I’ve no idea what to blog about this week! Actually that’s not true, I’ve plenty of ideas  – just this evening I was comtemplating  writing a short biography on someone I only met about a month ago! I’ve had to put it off though, he’s not sure he’s up for being my ‘blog fodder! 😀 #youknowwhoyouare!

It’s not that I can’t think of anything to write about, it’s just that I’ve been reading all these articles about blogging and not blogging and why you blog and how to blog and what to blog and what not to blog and blog views and readers and followers and unfollowers…. and whaaaaaat? Is it that complicated? I’m not sure if I know how to blog now! 😦

Since I decided to enter the Grafton Media Blog Awards Ireland my nerves have been in shreds. The stress, the tension, what if I don’t make the shortlist? What if I DO make the short list? What if all I’ve done is bring people to the blog only for them to rubbish me? What if I AM rubbish? That’s it I’m rubbish… I can’t write! I’m deleting this blog… and the other one… and everything else I’ve ever written. And here… throw that laptop in the bin… NO burn it! BURN IT ALL!!!!

Those voices that cause the above mental anguish are very loud and very persistent. You know them don’t you? The ones that tell you how rubbish you are at the thing you dare to hope to be good at. And as time goes on it’s getting worse. So much so that each subject I’ve contemplated blogging on this week has been swatted like a fly on a Louisiana porch.
It started like this…

Maybe I’ll write about that fantastic gig I went to last Friday
“No one would read that!”
Sorry??? who said that?
“You did! You said it yourself, you know well no one would read it. You love music but you’re no expert. And who’s gonna want to hear your opinion on music anyway?”
oh.. eh.. well yeah… true I suppose. I could write a post about the weather – a funny one.
“You’re not funny.”
Huh? What?! I AM funny, amn’t I?
“Come on, if you were funny you wouldn’t have added ‘amn’t I?’ Anyway, the weather is old news. You couldn’t possibly say anything that hasn’t been said that would make ANYONE laugh.  Just don’t blog”
Whaddywhawha? Why not?
“There’s no point, just don’t bother”
Oh… ok then

The increase in the desire to and love for writing is directly connected with the increase in the power of the voices. Now you know I believe in God but I’m not saying this is some sort of spiritual attack. However, I do believe there is a Devil out there who’d love to destroy me, but most of the time he’s happy enough to annoy me and make me doubt myself. But whether it is external evils, or my own inner ones… it feels like there’s a battle going on.

And it’s a fight I’m willing to take on. This is something I want to do and get better at.
It doesn’t matter if at this stage I’m merely ‘ok’ at all this, or not even as good as that. I can learn and practise and learn some more. And get better.

And in the mean time… bring it on! I’m going to keep up the fight. And I’ve got some ‘suggestion swatting’ of my own to be doing! Starting with the negative ones!