Most of the time it doesn’t hurt anymore.
I go about my day to day life and I don’t even give it a thought.
Get the odd twinge, when I hear of pregnancies but in general, not having children doesn’t often cause me much pain anymore. Usually I’m just so delighted that there’ll another little person in my life that the joy outweighs the sadness.
But today it’s tough. Today it is painful. Today it feels REALLY unfair and the whole world feels upside down. Mainly because of an article I read in the online version of the Telegraph 
248 human foetuses were found in a Russian forest. 248 little tiny people whose lives ended or were ended. When I read the article it was almost crushing.
I’m not going to rant about abortion or stem cell research. I disagree with abortion, anyone who know s me would know that. But I don’t have a fight in me at the moment. All I have is a pressing sadness that for some reason I don’t have a child and 248 tiny humans were packed into plastic containers and dumped in a forest.
LORD, I don’t understand. Help me not to despair about the total upside down nature of this situation. Which is mild and could be thought as nothing compared to a lot of other imbalanced and unjust situations in the world.
248… discarded and unnamed…
And I am sad.