Dear Twitter…

Dear Twitter

Let me get one thing straight before I start. You know that phrase, “it’s not you… it’s me”?

Well I’m fairly sure it’s you! 

I used to have so much fun with you. You were a place for great craic, plenty of banter and discussion about stuff I knew little about. I was ok with that, it was an education. I followed lots of people for lots of reasons and created my lists so I could look at writers and family and Christians etc separately if I wanted to.

I’ve spent a lot of time building my profile in your world. I’m no Nicki Minaj (on many levels) but 3000 followers is not nothing – and me trying to establish myself as some sort of writer, it’s a good place to be in.

I’ve met some clever people along the way, with differing views about differing subjects. Sometimes I was brave enough to chip in, other times I’d just sit and watch it go by. 

I remember the first time I saw #vinb. I thought the world had gone mad. I watched the programme a couple of times and quickly realised it wasn’t for me. But the hashtag was enough anyway. At first it was entertaining to see folk set their hair on fire about stuff. Then I noticed #rtept, #marian, #miriam and #twip, and it seemed some folk only appeared on Twitter when these hashtags were burning bright.

Something changed a few months ago and suddenly you weren’t so much fun anymore. A couple of topics rose to the surface and you became a place where I had to put up or shut up. Differing opinions were no longer welcome. The minority voice which in economic and social subjects was championed, was now told to be silent.

The senator, the professor, the clergymen, the I.I. director and most of that ilk get hauled over the coals every time they open their mouths. Insulted, criticised, mocked and hung out to dry. On the rare occasion someone gets a slap on the wrist for mocking, the wagons are circled… “poor you – how could anyone be so mean….?” 

Eh, yeah… that was my question, but about you – not to you.

I tried to be brave and stepped in a few times, but I was out of my depth. I watch as the overzealous fringe of Christian opinion is regularly dragged through your streets RT’d and RT’d again so everyone can have a good laugh.

In that last few days I’ve watched the RTs stack up of the clip of the New Zealand MP and his hilarious account of some of the contact he’s had from people who disagreed with him. He had the whole of the chamber in stitches laughing as he described some of the comments, he did a clever science experiment & used a Bible verse to seal the deal (completely out of context, but hey the Christians do it; so what?!). It was like an episode of Mock the Week, or is it ‘mock the weak’? 

I suppose I could just unfollow a load of people, or re-jig my lists. Grab one of my gay friends who I love (and who love me back) and ask them to assure you that I’m not homophobic. Explain how love for family, childlessness, & love for life are as much reasons for my prolife stance as any Bible verse I may wave at you. But Twitter, you steal my voice, you silence me. I sit at an empty blog post, finger poised over the keyboard and I can’t speak. I swore only a year ago that I’d never let that happen again.

When I finally realised I was a writer and said it out loud for the first time, I was determined never to let anyone convince me other wise. I was going to say what I wanted to say. But you put a stop to that. Or maybe I just let you.

Either way, you stifle me. You smother me. You make me cry. And if you were a boyfriend…. any true friend of mine would be asking me why I haven’t dumped you a long time ago.
The annoying thing is that you’re exactly like that crazy boyfriend I used to have – I’m finding it really hard to let you go, even though I know you’re bad for me and things are about to get a whole lot worse.

@auntyamo needs a break from you. Let’s see if I can live without you for a while.
I’ll miss you – a bit.

A x

P.S Thanks to all the Tweeters who noticed my recent comments about leaving and were nice enough to say ‘don’t go’. If you really can’t live without me follow @amowriting But it’s a politics free zone. God knows I need it! 

Twitter – the answer to writer’s block (or not…)

So I have half a dozen drafts and can’t finish any of them and I’m not sure where to go next.
Twitter is often able to find the solution to problems (and the cause of a lot more). And it has been successful in helping those in distress. Even though the mighty Ken Armstrong insists that “Twitter ain’t gonna find your cat...”

But I asked Twitter to send me some questions to help me get some writing done and all I can say is… they are… unbelievable

@WodkeHawkins If you were my earrings and have been missing a while, where would you be?
I reckon I would be wrapped in a tissue in the bottom of the inside pocket of the bag you used for your cousin’s wedding last year. Either that or you put them in the trash by mistake and they are now in a landfill. Actually you’re from Kansas…. could the Munchkins have them?

@Daracho what are you trying to write?
Anything.. even this will do! 🙂

@patricguntert what is your favourite word and why?
What a great question! It’s not an easy one to answer though! I have two and both of them are made up.
1. Incredibilised – it’s more than shocked and stunned. Far far beyond surprised but not quite to the point of horrified.
2 Smagloo – I made this one up myself. I use it when I can’t remember the word for something. Which happens a lot!

@cathalkeogh Is it true cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
No! That is a myth .The reason they don’t eat them is cos they hate the taste of stage make up
2nd question: If all the world’s a stage, where does the audience sit?
On the parcel shelf in you car. Look carefully…. you’ll see them…

@flowersinapot If you were a vehicle, what sort of vehicle would you be?
I would wish to be a big fast car, convertible, red, expensive.
Am actually a very comfortable, old, bashed up estate. With plenty of room in the boot 🙂

@herodfel did you like the movie The Three Amigos
ABSOLUTELY …. My little buttercup has the sweetest smiiiiile
Awh what am I doing! You need to hear the original….  Here you go…

Thanks for all the questions guys… I feel totally oh… what’s the word,…… SMAGLOO! 🙂

As promised, a song for ALL my Twitter followers :)

As promised, in celebration of reaching more than 1000 followers on Twitter I have written a song for you all 🙂

I’ve mentioned a few tweeps and would love to have been able to crowbar a few more of you in, but really there aren’t many Twitter names that rhyme with other Twitter names – or that rhyme with… just… words!

I’ve taken a little bit of license with the ‘scanning’ of the words. General rule…  if there is a number at the end of a Twitter name I’ve ignored it for the purposes of (and I use this term loosely…) poetry. The only one that doesn’t apply to is @booksmusic72 – the ‘2’ is crucial for the purposes of (and I use this term even more loosely this time…) poetry.
The stuff in brackets in the chorus is to be shouted out!

And so.. to the tune of “The Hokey Kokey” I give you

A song for my Twitter followers...

Is That What it’s All About?

So what’s on Twitter folks?
Some famous blokes,
strong opinions & some Bible quotes
There’s ‘Cats that look like Hitler’ & some dogs in skirts
Is that what it’s all about ?

More followers on Twitter
More followers on Twitter
More followers on Twitter
#hashtag #retweet

There’s those that love the Left
And love the Right
Or think that politics is all a load of… rubbish 🙂
& half the #irishbizparty’s in Twitter jail!
Is that what’s it all about?

More followers on Twitter
More followers on Twitter (GIVE ME…)
More followers on Twitter
#hashtag #retweet

You’ll find an expert here
from every sphere
Writin’ farmin’, lovin’ eatin’ – Conquerin’ your fears
And anyone who’s anyone is writ’n a book!
Is that what it’s all about?

More followers on Twitter (GIVE ME…)
More followers on Twitter (I’VE GOT..)
More followers on Twitter
#hashtag #retweet

I love @adublinluas
& @ghook’s news
@nettiewriter & @conziesays too
@JohnMurphy51’s my guru, @richjm612’s my man
And they get a big #shoutout

More followers on Twitter (WAIT! WHAT?)
More followers on Twitter (HELP ME)
More followers on Twitter
#hashtag #retweet

And then there’s cool #kevq
@philipnolan1 & @dedewatson too
@jimsheridan replies to me, I’ll have you know
And they’re what it’s all about!

More followers on Twitter (CAN’T GO ON)
More followers on Twitter (NERVES ARE GONE)
More followers on Twitter
#hashtag #retweet

So now I’ve reached 1 K
I want to say
Thanks to my followers, I read you everyday
Well just the ones I follow back cos youse are MAD
And THAT’s what it’s all about!

More followers on Twitter (OH NO I’VE GOT…)
More followers on Twitter (HAVE LOST THE PLOT)
More followers on Twitter
#hashtag #retweet