The too-long Facebook status update on why I’m not writing a Good Friday blog post…


This started out by me updating my Facebook status saying ‘I don’t think I have a Good Friday post in me today. #heavyheart and all that.’ Then I kept typing…

‘Reading my Good Friday post from last Easter it feels like it was written by someone else. It’s like I’m a different person from who I was this time last year. Life has been a game of snakes and ladders for me. Am praying for the strength to start climbing again.’

Still not too long for a Facebook post? I’ve seen longer… but I wasn’t finished.

small_5260296039I don’t really want to write another ‘Oh I feel so depressed’ blog post. I really don’t. I want to be happy and I want to be able to say out loud that I’m happy. But I feel like I’ve a heaviness settled upon me that I can’t rise above. I suppose that is grief; and I’m recovering (or not) from compounded grief at the moment. Two very different but big losses in the space of 3 months.

I think of Jesus carrying His cross to Calvary and I know I’m supposed to consider my ‘light and momentary troubles’ (2 Corinthians 4) as nothing compared to what He has done for us. And I’m trying to. I really am. But today l can’t find light and momentary.

Last year was so exciting. All the writing opportunities and the literary festivals and launching the book. I really felt that my writing career was taking off. No notions of being rich and famous – just published and out there. And yes I am that. But this year I was supposed to continue that and improve on that but I don’t know if I can. As I said I feel like it’s always snakes and ladders with me. I keep sliding back down and have to drag myself back to the bottom rung and start again.

Maybe that is everyone’s life and it just doesn’t look like it from where I’m standing. But it really really doesn’t look like it from where I’m standing.

One thing I know about Good Friday is that Sunday is coming. I doubt I’ll be back on form within 48 hours but resurrection day is coming.

After my mam died in 2005 I felt overwhelmed with the sadness that the previous few years had brought. God led me to this verse; I had it on a piece of paper, taped to my pc monitor in work. 1 Peter 5:10

And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.

I feel like I’m in need of this promise again. Starting that journey (again) to restoration and steadfast-ness. I wish I didn’t have to take the journey (again), but for some reason I do.

Vicky's crossTonight in our church service I’ll be singing… ‘and with every breath that I am given I will sing salvation’s song.’ As I read this back, it doesn’t sound much like salvation’s song. But then again Psalm 40 verse 2 says ‘he lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand’
Firm… steadfast…
exactly what I need right now.

So maybe it’s not that far away salvation’s song after all.

Verse 1 of that Psalm says ‘I waited patiently for the Lord and he turned to me and heard my cry.’
So here I am… waiting…

I am sure about one thing tho…. this was far too long for a Facebook post.  

photo credits
Snakes and Ladders: weesen via photopin cc
Cross: used with permission from @vickymiti

On the loss of a dear friend, Tom O’Gorman


One of the photos on Tom's FB wall.  It means 'Love conquers all'
One of the photos on Tom’s FB wall.
It means ‘Love conquers all’

I wish I was writing this on my fiction blog. A tale that I made up in a mad creative moment. But no… it really happened. The life of my lovely friend Tom was taken in a way which I can hardly believe and certainly cannot put here.

I met Tom on Independence Day 2012. Though we’d had a bit of Facebook banter before then. We met to help our mutual American friend, far from home, celebrate the 4th of July. Within a few minutes we were slagging each, other which for me is always a good sign. 🙂 I’d travelled on public transport that night and there was no way he would let me walk across town to the Luas stop on my own. He took an alternative (and convoluted) route home so that he could walk with me. He was a total gentleman – in every sense.

He had many interests – politics, faith, ethics, law, history and sport to name a few. He was way cleverer than me and though we talked about faith and work a lot, most of the time we laughed and joked. He had such a fantastic sense of humour. He was a great writer and told me that he would love to try his hand at writing comedy. He thought I was funny too – not a comedienne though… he said I was more a humourist. I liked that 🙂 He thought I was funnier in person than on paper though. So we decided that we’d give it a go and write a comedy sketch together.  Sadly we never got around to it.

Over the last few months I could sense a deepening in his devotion to God and when we talked, it was more and more about spiritual matters. He was eager to serve God more and better and he shared with me some of his hopes and plans for the next few years. It is painful to think they will not come to pass. He became like a big brother figure in my life. Checking in with me regularly, asking me how I was. Always promising to pray for me, which I’m sure he did.

Tom had many many friends. Most of them knew him longer and I’m sure better than me. But over the last 18 months we became great buddies. Or ‘budsos’ as we called each other.

Tom had an amazing range of accents and was even better at the ‘Tallaght’ accent than I was.  Our parting greeting was usually in ‘Tallafornian’.
He’d always say something along the lines of…

“See ya soon bud yeah?”

My answer always was – and is today, “Deffo!”

*****

My sincere condolences and prayers go to his family, work colleagues, friends and all who mourn the loss of such a great guy

Tom RIP

I hope the folk from Pro Life Campaign Ireland don’t mind that I used this lovely photo of Tom that they posted on FB yesterday…