Silent Night, Holy Night


I wrote and recorded this for UCB Ireland Radio last year. Just stumbled upon it today and thought I’d share it. 🙂 
Christ the Saviour is born!
Christ the Saviour is born!

I remember it like it was yesterday! It was Christmas Eve,
I was about 8 yrs old, I was at Midnight Mass and I didn’t want to be there!

I wanted to be at home soaking in the Christmas atmosphere. Getting ready for bed and wondering how I would EVER get to sleep….! I thought Mass was over and was itching to leave when my mammy said no. “Mass IS over but now there’ll be the procession of the infant. They will place the baby in the manger and we will queue up to say a prayer in front of the crib – THEN we can go home.”

Our church crib was amazing. It was life size crib and I was sure they were real people in it…, but I didn’t care.

I was hopping from one foot to the other, when the music changed and I could just about see a procession of people walking toward the front of the church. The choir started to sing Silent Night, Holy Night. I knew it off by heart but this time it was different. Suddenly the excitement of the man who was to come that night & leave presents was replaced with the excitement of the baby who was to be placed in a manger

“Silent Night, Holy Night, all is calm all is bright”, sang the choir. I had to see what was happening so I stood on the pew. “Holy infant so tender and mild”, we all sang then as life size statue of baby Jesus was placed in the manger. We all joined the queue. As I got to the crib and I knelt down the choir sang, “Christ the Saviour is born, Christ the Saviour is born”. I was mesmerised. Right then and right there I knew it was true. I didn’t really know what a Saviour was but I knew Christ was real.

Ever since then, hearing Silent Night brings me back to that moment when Jesus introduced himself to me for the first time. And almost 15 years later I found out what a Saviour really is!

I reckon I have the best of both worlds. I still have a childlike excitement about Christmas. But now I know the true meaning. I love family and presents and celebration. And I think of the little family in Bethlehem that God used to bring the greatest gift of all to the world.

I wish you and yours a wonderful Christmas and New Year. My prayer for you is that, of all the gifts you give and receive this year, the gift of the love of Jesus will bring you great joy.

Talking through my (Santa) hat?


What is the story with the ‘Mystery of the Disappearing November’? (Was that an Enid Blyton book? If not, it should have been!) Every year, we have Halloween and then suddenly it’s the first of December. Oh look there it goes again…

I know my recent posts have been a bit negative or at the very least been dealing with subjects where there has been lots of negative talk. But Christianity (you may be surprised to know) is about much more than our differing views on the hot topics. I’m not sure how it happened but in pop culture, Christianity seems to have been boiled down to horrible priests and moral opinion that equals hating women.

It’s a far cry from “I bring you good news that will bring great joy to all the people”! (Luke 2:10) – which is the heart of the message that was given with the arrival of Jesus Christ on the earth!

My dad - Christmas 2009
This is my Dad and he wants YOU to enjoy Christmas 🙂

Advent has begun and I have a question for you.
Not “What are you doing FOR Christmas?”
My question is … what are you going to do WITH Christmas this year?

Don’t get me wrong now. I’m no religious Scrooge! I’m a mad woman for the presents and the food and the tree and the decs and the food and the cards and did I mention the food? 😉 I’m not adverse to the odd drinky, although I draw the line at eggnog; cos that’s just not right!

So this is not about throwing out the fun and replacing it with the glum. It’s about enjoying ALL the great things about Christmas, including the message of the angels  We’re miles and years from the first Christmas, but family and gift giving fit very well with the original story! And if you’re someone who hasn’t really paid much attention to the spiritual side of Christmas, I would encourage you to spend a few minutes in the middle of the madness to give it some thought. If you look carefully you’ll find the original message is still there.

And for those who are alone or grieving or just sick of the whole thing already, there are tidings of comfort and joy. God is with us – Immanuel 🙂

"The Star of Bethelehem is still shining" a pastor from Bethlehem said this to me when I met him in Cyprus last year!
“The Star of Bethelehem is still shining” a pastor from Bethlehem said this to me when I met him in Cyprus last year!

Am I really just talking through my hat? What are you going to do with Christmas this year?

More sadness!


I was going to write a blog post about how miserable I am at the moment. Lots of good reasons to be down in the dumps and a bit of an explanation as to why…
Then I heard that another teenager has taken her own life because of bullying and suddenly – well I’m just being a sap really!

I was bullied in school. Got all the ‘fatso’ jokes you can imagine. Got pushed around a bit. But I saw others get worse treatment and thankfully it never occurred to me NOT to say it to my mam and older sisters.

I wrote a post for Suicide Awareness Day this year. But just wanted to say that my thoughts and prayers are with that poor girl’s family. And with the many other young people in despair 😦
I’m also praying for bullies too – they need to realise what they are doing and STOP!
But I believe they are also victims.

If you’re reading this and you think there is no hope… there IS hope.
Get in touch with Pieta House, Samaritans, someone… anyone…

And thank you Lord for the reminder of my many blessings!
ADDITIONAL NOTE…
Somehow I totally forgot ot mention Console Ireland. They are another organisation helping those who are in suicidal crisis and those bereaved by suicide. They are this year’s beneficiary of funds raised by the Twitter Xmas Single.

 

A pro-life defence – or maybe I’m just defending myself


For weeks now I’ve had a blog post about abortion rolling around my head and my heart. I’ve tried to ignore it. I threw it away several times. I’ve even said it out loud to myself to try to get it out of my system; but it hasn’t worked. I finally decided to write it and within days came the news of the tragic death of Savita Halappanavar and the child she was carrying. That stopped me in my tracks.

Suddenly abortion and X Case legislation were all over the news and current affairs programmes. Twitter went wild with accusation and counter accusation. I watched as people I love to follow argued and insulted each other. My stomach was sick and my heart ached every time I saw Savita’s beautiful face on the TV and the internet. And I thought to myself… “put it away Amo – this is not the time for your pale musings”.

But maybe it is time. Maybe this is exactly the time to say how I feel.

It will come as no surprise to anyone that I am pro-life. What you might not know about me is that I am childless. And have no chance of ever being a mammy. (Unless by some miracle I end up adopting. But having tried already to no avail, I can’t see that happening.)

But if you know me; if you’ve read my blog, or you follow me on Twitter, you will know that I am NOT a mad fundamentalist right-wing Christian who secretly hates women! I’m not just an over emotional 40 something with no kids and no hope of ever having them! I am capable of rationally discussing abortion. The reason I’ve hesitated is that I don’t want you to hate me. I don’t want you to say the horrible things that get said to people who are anti-abortion.

I’m not a member of any pro-life organisation as, to be honest I tend to feel a bit uncomfortable with their methods. I don’t like to see images of aborted fetuses. As well as a right to life, these babies have a right to some dignity. Images of their dead bodies on display are distasteful and an insult to that body.
I heard stories of people shouting “child killers” at the march for Savita at the weekend. And though I’m convinced there was pro-choice agenda-pushing going on, I would not condone shouting at people in the street.

There is no point in me going into much debated arguments about Savita’s case. Mainly as the full details are not known. But also because my words won’t make a difference. Those who agree/disagree as to whether this was a pregnancy that went terribly and tragically wrong, or death because of a denied abortion – well I’m not going to change anyone’s mind on that am I?! But it is a tragedy and should not have happened.

The original wish for this post was to say why abortion breaks my heart. I’ve already gone on for too long, so I’ll keep it brief!
Abortion breaks my heart because I don’t have kids. I can’t, and there are people who can but don’t want to. It’s NOT a judgement on anyone. It makes me sad, not angry.
Abortion breaks my heart because it sets women against women. I don’t know if it’s anger, guilt, indignance, or what…… but this debate makes women talk about other women in such a terrible and cruel way. And I mean on both sides of the argument.
Abortion breaks my heart because of the love I have for the many kids in my life, my fabulous nieces and nephews and their kids. And others too.
Abortion breaks my heart because I believe it breaks God’s heart.

I must say one other thing. The reaction to some of the pro-life commentators has been truly awful. I tweeted during the week that we’d all prefer not to have to listen to those we disagree with but if these issues are going to be discussed on TV and Radio then all sides of the argument are entitled to a voice or there’s no point.
I’ve said before – my opinion may be in the minority. But it’s still my opinion and I’m entitled to it.

And I’m going to express it – abortion breaks my heart!

A crap poem that turned into a crap prayer


2 people have died
Too much sadness
2, or maybe 20 opinions as to why
Insults start to fly
Hijack the agenda, rant and rave, play the blame game
Anger
Fury
Protest
Is it just one more thing to tweet wildly about?
Just another stick to beat the right with?
Another slur to hurl at the left?
How many really care about to the two people who died?
I’m so tired of it all
And God; what do you want me to do now?
This stuff makes me want to quit the tiny area of the public arena that I inhablt
And leave them all to devour each other

Blessed are the peacemakers, but no one wants a peacemaker today

A Moment of Turmoil…. and then… peace!


I’m constantly doubting myself. Always second guessing and regretting what I did or didn’t say or do. Below is a journal entry I wrote frantically after making a mistake. A mistake by the way, which resolved itself quickly and wonderfully. But as I read back over my frazzled scribbles I wonder again and how easily I get worked up over stuff!

 
Can I just stay here please?
I feel like a total idiot today. I made a mistake. I actually have a chance to fix it but I’m not sure how. I want to turn the clock back. I want it to be this time yesterday. But I spend too much time wanting that. I make stupid mistakes. Usually when I’m happy and confident. When I’m like this I’m a bit paralysed. I’ve written half a response (which is already twice as long as it needs to be) and I can’t send it and I can’t delete it.
Why am I such an idiot? Why can’t I just stop when I’m supposed to stop. Instead of going too far and saying too much? Stupid Stupid Stupid woman!
And now I can’t write. Can’t write anything cos I have a stupidity cloud sitting on my head. I’ve a lump in my throat and I want to cry, I’m so bloody annoyed with myself.
What do I do now? I can’t turn the clock back, I can ask the other person to, but no matter what happens it’ll always be there. And asking to turn the clock back will draw more attention to it than if I just reply to the email casually.
But I can’t. I can’t casually blow it off. I want not to have received the email. Not for the person to feel they had to send it at all.

 

And quick as a flash it was sorted. Thank you Lord. The other person got in touch and actually felt like I did. “Lets’ turn the clock back 24 hrs” and we did. And it worked.

Drawing a line under that one; as I wait for the next one… :/

Come Back Soon!


http://www.vox.ie

For some reason it’s a week of memories for me.

I told this story in one of my articles for VOX Magazine*. Maybe it has come back to mind because it happened around this time last year, or maybe it’s because my friend has just lost his mum.

Probably a bit of both…

Come Back Soon!
I had to say goodbye to my husband for a month recently. We haven’t spent much time apart so the prospect of 4 whole weeks wasn’t fun!

In the days leading up to the goodbye I managed to hold it together but when we got to the barrier in the airport that only I could pass, I was not able to hold back the tears. We said our goodbyes and as soon as he was out of sight I let go and sobbed like a child.

By the time it was my turn to send my bag through the scanner and walk through the security doorway thingy, I was a total mess. When I walked through, a female security guard stopped me and asked if I was ok. Through the various liquids associated with sobbing, I managed to say that I was ok. “Are you sure?” she said, “Will I get you a chair so you can sit down for a minute?”
“No” I said, “I’m ok really. It’s just that….. I’ve just left my husband and…..” that was as far as I got. I burst into another bout of ‘extreme crying’ (a much underrated sport in my opinion)!

She stared and me and said, “You’ve just left your husband???? Oh my goodness! Let me get you a glass of water or something!”

By now there was a queue behind me, a crowd around me and a conveyor belt of hand luggage going nowhere. I tried hard to explain that I hadn’t actually LEFT my husband, I had just left him behind and REALLY was ok. The other security guards had heard enough and resumed looking sternly at people.

Suitably mortified, I gathered my belongings and scuttled away praying that none of the people who had witnessed the incident were on my flight.

By the time you read this we’ll have been reunited but as I write I’m still missing him. I know that soon he’ll be back but at the moment I’m longing for the day when we’ll be reunited.

I love hugs 🙂

But I’m not the only one longing for a reunion am I? Saying goodbye to people is a sad inevitability of all our lives. Whether it’s goodbye at an airport or goodbye at a graveside – parting is hard. But a day is coming when there will be no more goodbyes, no more partings, no more tears. That is a promise from God – our happy inevitability. And as I wait to be reunited with my beloved, I’m also waiting to be united forever with my Beloved.

I can’t wait! For both reunions 🙂

 
 
This article was in VOX Magazine October 2011 as part of my regular column ‘Confessions of a Feint Saint’
This year, for the first time they are producing a Christmas edition. Click here to go to their website.

Response and follow up to – Saying it out Loud


On Twitter earlier this week, I referred to this old blog post. For some reason it had popped into my head and I was mulling it over. The post mentioned that for the first time, I’d done a public talk about being childless.

I got a couple of comments/questions about it. After thinking about it for a while I realised that unless you knew the Bible story I referred to, it might not make sense. So, rather than add the story as another blog post I thought I’d put the recording of the talk up on MixCloud. It’s about 20 minutes long and still may not make sense 🙂

You’ll find it here, if you’d like to listen 🙂

Blog Action Day 2012 – Giving… into The Power of We!


The heartcry of The Power of We can be heard in many areas of life, if we listen out for it. From issues of mental health to financial difficulty – the message is very similar. “You’re not alone… or, if you are alone, you don’t have to be.”

The Power of We is a concept that also sits very well into biblical thought. From the Garden of Eden when God decided to make the woman, so that the man would not be alone(a), to when Solomon said that, “Two are better than one… if either of them falls down, one can help the other up”(b), to the New Testament where the writer of the letter to the Hebrews urges believers to, “consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another.”(c)

I believe that each individual is responsible for their own connection (or lack of) to God. But as well as “I the Christian”, there is also “We the Church”. I’m not talking about a particular building, denomination or institution. I’m talking about the people of God who collectively as the Body of Christ, make up His Church. Everyday, somewhere, you will find part of that ‘Body’ demonstrating the love of Jesus to those in need!

One organisation doing exactly that is Tearfund. Here in Ireland there is a small dedicated team who, working through churches and Christian organisations across the world, bring help and hope to people living in dire poverty. They work with forgotten children, vulnerable women, people affected by HIV, and provide emergency relief to those who have lost everything in times of disaster.

One of their current campaigns is                        STOP HUNGER NOW! *
Meet Moses – he has been hungry all his life!
Moses would love to be a doctor when he grows up but his dream seems hopeless when his grades slip during the ‘hunger season’. ‘It’s hard to concentrate in school when you are hungry,’ says Moses. He is 13 years old, but because of lack of good nutrician he is the build of a much younger child.

It seems incredible that in a fertile country such as Uganda, with two agricultural seasons a year, people go hungry. But last year, Moses’ family survived on a meagre diet of one bowl of cowpeas per day. ‘I remember my father crying at night and asking God to provide for our family,’ Moses recalls.

Pastor Joseph leads the village church. In an effort to help local people forge their own path out of poverty, as well as Bible teaching, he began providing agricultural training. He taught people about the best types of crops to plant and how to irrigate them.
Moses’ father and mother were eager to learn. They worked hard and, earlier this year, they reaped a bumper harvest. They were able to buy a goat for their family, and Moses and his siblings now enjoy a bowl of nutritious milk every morning before they head off to school.

Moses says, ‘I am very proud of my father and the changes he has made in his life.’
But there are thousands of hungry families like Moses’ praying in desperation for God to provide. Tearfund and the local church can be that answer – with your help. **

In chapter 6 of the Gospel of John, we read the story of a boy who offers his small meal to feed a large crowd. Jesus gets involved and the multitudes are fed! Part of ‘The Power of We’ is the effect that a collection of even the smallest of financial gifts can have. Tearfund reminds us that a lot of these families they work with live on the equivalent of not much more than €1 per day.

Give a little,
it’ll help a lot!

Money troubles are everywhere. Most Irish families are struggling. But we in developed countries must remember that poverty is relative! If at all possible we must keep giving; even if it’s just a little. As the saying goes “it’ll help a lot”.

If you would like to help the work of Tearfund Ireland or just find out some more about their work you can go to their website.

This post was written as a contribution to Blog Action Day 2012

 
 
(a) Genesis 2:18  (b) Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (c) Hebrews 10:24-25
The section from * to ** is based on information directly supplied by Tearfund Ireland. You can find out more at www.tearfund.ie 

Janey! What will God say? – for H


I wrote the following for radio. The situation has passed and it seems that everything is going to be ok. But now a friend finds herself in a similar position. So rather than say it all again I thought I’d share the piece I wrote and recorded.  Janey isn’t her real name btw…

Janey! What will God say?
As I sit here I’m praying for a little girl. Janey and her mammy, daddy, granny and everyone else connected to her. She’s not well and no one is 100% sure what the problem is. It has the potential to be life threatening or it may be a condition that needs a lot of treatment…. and once that’s administered she’ll be right as rain.

But at the moment we don’t know.

Now I could wait… and write this when it’s all over. When we know what the diagnosis and prognosis is. I could wait until we’re either broken hearted by the worst news and terrified for her future, or relieved beyond belief and determined to be thankful every day for her!
I’m one of the few ‘committed Christians’ that the family know. And as usual I was one of the first people to be contacted about it and asked to pray. And that’s great. But I must be honest, the whole area of ‘hoping’ and ‘God’ is a difficult one for me at times. I’ve been through that process. I’ve been through the receiving bad news… possibility it’s wrong… then confirmation that it’s right… but possibility it can be fixed… then confirmation that it can’t… then surgery, then childlessness. All through that time half the world was praying. I was confident that God would heal me, and not only that, but my whole family would see His glory and fall to their knees and worship Him for the rest of their days.

But God said no.

Not… ‘keep praying Annmarie’, not ‘maybe’ and I’m still finding it hard to believe he was saying ‘No, but I’ve got something better for you.’ He just said no.  That was 10 years ago. And it took a long time for me to accept it.

My 27 nieces and nephews 🙂 They take the sting out of not being a mammy ❤

That whole process now changes how I respond to Janey’s situation. I pray as passionately as I’ve ever prayed for her test results to be positive only for something easy for her and us to deal with. That is my heart’s desire. But as a Christian I MUST pray that God’s will is done. I MUST pray that no matter what the diagnosis, Janey’s parents  and other family will be strong, will be comforted by God and will work together to help each other.

And if they shake their fists at God, that He will respond like the merciful One that He is – and will show mercy. And that even in the midst of the panic and the pain that one day they will see His glory and fall to their knees and worship Him for the rest of their days. Not because He has given us the answer we wanted, but because he is worthy of all glory, honour and praise…. even when he says NO!