Category: Family

The Hardest Thing I Ever Had to Do

On By auntyamoIn Family, Writing, Blogging etc3 Comments

Looking at the stuff in my ‘Drafts’ folder of the blog and I found this!
I thought I’d posted it ages ok! So I’ll do it now. My mam will be 8 years gone on March 16th 😦

This is another post based on one of the random titles I was given to write about – testing my ability to write ‘on demand’.
The title ‘The Hardest Thing I’ve ever had to do’ was suggested by Karen Mulreid

I have a Top 5 list of the most special times in my life. The hardest thing I ever had to do comes right in the middle of one of those times. It was, saying goodbye to my mother.

The 2/3 weeks previous to that were painful but wonderful. I came home from the UK as mam was sick and spent the next couple of weeks with my 7 siblings, going in and out of the hospital. We laughed and cried and ate together. Some of my fave things to do 🙂 Not all of us could see her at once so we’d go in and out in small groups while others waited outside.

At times it was awful! As she was on a ventilator, she couldn’t speak. So communication was an issue. But then we would end up in fits of laughter cos we’d try to work out what she was saying and when we got it wrong she’d be throwing her eyes to heaven. We started to call her Lassie at one stage.

She didn’t want us to bother the nurses. Even when there was something wrong or she was uncomfortable I’d offer to get someone and she’d stop me. I was not to trouble them.

I had the odd moment alone with her. It got to the stage she was deteriorating and was always heavily sedated. I sat by her bed alone and very quietly sang a tearful version of John Rutter’s setting of Numbers 6: 24-26 as she slept.
“The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.” I knew it was the beginning of my goodbye.

Betty Keeley – my mammy 🙂

On the day she died we gathered around her bed with my dad, and one by one I watched my siblings say goodbye. As crushing as it is even now to think about it, I feel privileged that we were together. I am thankful that we didn’t have to watch her suffer for years or deteriorate slowly needing more and more care. Not everyone gets to say goodbye like that… or at all. I know how totally blessed we are to have that. So we said goodbye and when she feel asleep for the last time we moved out to let her own siblings and then her grandchildren come in and say goodbye.

For the next two weeks we were all together. We brought her home and we spent time with family, friends and neighbours and we laughed and cried and laughed again. It really was an amazing time.

Losing my mammy – wow! so painful, even now, more than 7 years later! I thank God that the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do is surrounded by weeks of joy, laughter and family.
What a privilege!

One more sleep…

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I'm just a big baby :)
I’m just a big baby 🙂

I loooooooove Christmas.

I’m trapped in the middle lane of excitement though. I’m an adult. (No, honest I am!) So I have a certain responsibility to behave in a relatively mature manner. But because I’m the baby of the family (and have managed to retain the title, despited numerous nieces and nephews and a few in the next generation), I fully subscribe to all the tinsel, lights & pressies! I still have a childlike excitement at the thought of ripping Christmas paper off stuff tomorrow 🙂

It’s my family’s fault, they forgot to remind me to grow up!

But… I am a bit sad today. LIke all special days, everything is bigger – including the stuff that’s missing. Like time with my mam, or my own kids to pass on the Christmas nonsense too.
I’m so grateful that my family let me insert myself into their Christmases, but I see them making their own new traditions with children and grandchildren. It’s circle of life stuff I know but some times I feel like my circle got a bit bashed up and every so often I come across a little dent…

I know I know… I have so much more than many people this Christmas. Believe me, I do know how fortunate and blessed I am to have so much and so many to share it with.

Away in a Manger
Away in a Manger

And of course there’s the Reason for the Season…! The first Christmas had family, but not a straightforward one! There were visitors and gifts, but in the middle of the joy of a newborn there must have been disappointment. I’m sure Mary would have preferred to have her baby in familiar and ‘CLEAN’ surroundings. And both her and Joseph must have been filled with fear and apprehension at what the future would bring. But in the midst of all that mess and uncertainty the Angel declared that it was “news that will cause great joy for all the people.” Luke 2:10

There is joy at Christmas, regardless of our circumstances…. and as they say, it’s not just for Christmas…. 🙂

One of my favourite lines from A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens is “I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future.”
I will enjoy my memories of the past, enjoy the season with my family and trust God for the future!

That’s my resolution… what’s yours 🙂

Happy Christmas everyone.
Thanks for reading/liking/following/commenting – much appreciated 🙂 xx

Come Back Soon!

On By auntyamoIn Family, Getting to grips with God stuff, HumourLeave a comment

http://www.vox.ie

For some reason it’s a week of memories for me.

I told this story in one of my articles for VOX Magazine*. Maybe it has come back to mind because it happened around this time last year, or maybe it’s because my friend has just lost his mum.

Probably a bit of both…

Come Back Soon!
I had to say goodbye to my husband for a month recently. We haven’t spent much time apart so the prospect of 4 whole weeks wasn’t fun!

In the days leading up to the goodbye I managed to hold it together but when we got to the barrier in the airport that only I could pass, I was not able to hold back the tears. We said our goodbyes and as soon as he was out of sight I let go and sobbed like a child.

By the time it was my turn to send my bag through the scanner and walk through the security doorway thingy, I was a total mess. When I walked through, a female security guard stopped me and asked if I was ok. Through the various liquids associated with sobbing, I managed to say that I was ok. “Are you sure?” she said, “Will I get you a chair so you can sit down for a minute?”
“No” I said, “I’m ok really. It’s just that….. I’ve just left my husband and…..” that was as far as I got. I burst into another bout of ‘extreme crying’ (a much underrated sport in my opinion)!

She stared and me and said, “You’ve just left your husband???? Oh my goodness! Let me get you a glass of water or something!”

By now there was a queue behind me, a crowd around me and a conveyor belt of hand luggage going nowhere. I tried hard to explain that I hadn’t actually LEFT my husband, I had just left him behind and REALLY was ok. The other security guards had heard enough and resumed looking sternly at people.

Suitably mortified, I gathered my belongings and scuttled away praying that none of the people who had witnessed the incident were on my flight.

By the time you read this we’ll have been reunited but as I write I’m still missing him. I know that soon he’ll be back but at the moment I’m longing for the day when we’ll be reunited.

I love hugs 🙂

But I’m not the only one longing for a reunion am I? Saying goodbye to people is a sad inevitability of all our lives. Whether it’s goodbye at an airport or goodbye at a graveside – parting is hard. But a day is coming when there will be no more goodbyes, no more partings, no more tears. That is a promise from God – our happy inevitability. And as I wait to be reunited with my beloved, I’m also waiting to be united forever with my Beloved.

I can’t wait! For both reunions 🙂

 
 
This article was in VOX Magazine October 2011 as part of my regular column ‘Confessions of a Feint Saint’
This year, for the first time they are producing a Christmas edition. Click here to go to their website.

Janey! What will God say? – for H

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I wrote the following for radio. The situation has passed and it seems that everything is going to be ok. But now a friend finds herself in a similar position. So rather than say it all again I thought I’d share the piece I wrote and recorded.  Janey isn’t her real name btw…

Janey! What will God say?
As I sit here I’m praying for a little girl. Janey and her mammy, daddy, granny and everyone else connected to her. She’s not well and no one is 100% sure what the problem is. It has the potential to be life threatening or it may be a condition that needs a lot of treatment…. and once that’s administered she’ll be right as rain.

But at the moment we don’t know.

Now I could wait… and write this when it’s all over. When we know what the diagnosis and prognosis is. I could wait until we’re either broken hearted by the worst news and terrified for her future, or relieved beyond belief and determined to be thankful every day for her!
I’m one of the few ‘committed Christians’ that the family know. And as usual I was one of the first people to be contacted about it and asked to pray. And that’s great. But I must be honest, the whole area of ‘hoping’ and ‘God’ is a difficult one for me at times. I’ve been through that process. I’ve been through the receiving bad news… possibility it’s wrong… then confirmation that it’s right… but possibility it can be fixed… then confirmation that it can’t… then surgery, then childlessness. All through that time half the world was praying. I was confident that God would heal me, and not only that, but my whole family would see His glory and fall to their knees and worship Him for the rest of their days.

But God said no.

Not… ‘keep praying Annmarie’, not ‘maybe’ and I’m still finding it hard to believe he was saying ‘No, but I’ve got something better for you.’ He just said no.  That was 10 years ago. And it took a long time for me to accept it.

My 27 nieces and nephews 🙂 They take the sting out of not being a mammy ❤

That whole process now changes how I respond to Janey’s situation. I pray as passionately as I’ve ever prayed for her test results to be positive only for something easy for her and us to deal with. That is my heart’s desire. But as a Christian I MUST pray that God’s will is done. I MUST pray that no matter what the diagnosis, Janey’s parents  and other family will be strong, will be comforted by God and will work together to help each other.

And if they shake their fists at God, that He will respond like the merciful One that He is – and will show mercy. And that even in the midst of the panic and the pain that one day they will see His glory and fall to their knees and worship Him for the rest of their days. Not because He has given us the answer we wanted, but because he is worthy of all glory, honour and praise…. even when he says NO!

What a Day!

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Well folks my Grafton Media Blog Awards Ireland journey has ended for this year – as I haven’t made the finals. Big thanks to the organisers who have been working very hard. And they’re not finished yet! Congratulations and best of luck to all the finalists! Keep an eye on #bloggm for further updates.

Despite the disappointment, yesterday was a fantastic day. I spent it at a Carousel Creates Writer’s Retreat. It’s a fabulous place in the most idyllic setting. The views are as promised, inspiring.  I met a small group of writers, all at different ages and stages of life and writing. It was great to chat and learn from others. There was plenty of coffee, lovely food and a walk up towards (but not all the way to) the Hell Fire Club. (For those not familiar with the HFC, its an old building with some interesting history, perched on Montpelier Hill in the Dublin /Wicklow mountains – google at will ;))

One of the beautiful views I could see as I was writing and thinking about writing 😀

The main aim of the day was to get some serious writing done. So although we walked, talked and ate, we spent most of out time typing/writing away. I had asked on FB and Tw for suggestions for titles of short pieces to write in the morning session. I wanted to see how well I could ‘write on demand’. I’m used to being able to pick my own titles… So of the long list I ended up with, I picked 4.

This is normal life, it’s not easy – suggested by Trish Nugent
The hardest thing I ever had to do – suggested by Karen Mulreid
There’s a mouse in the house – suggested by errrr, can’t remember (or find it on FB/Tw)
The Redemption of Knicker Elastic – suggested by Rhoda Doyle Yeomans

There’s some voting on FB as to which one goes up first… add a comment if you want to pick one. There were plenty more and I’ve added them to my pot of ideas for the future. 🙂

I had decided that in the afternoon, I was going to spend time thinking about the ‘humour’ side of stuff I write and try to work out if it’s something I can do ‘on demand’ or something I can only do spontaneously when I’m in a good mood. But a conversation at lunch changed all that. We started to talk about Moone Boy; how Chris O’Dowd had written this story based on his childhood, but not totally autobiographical.

Me and my niece around 1978 I think…

That got me thinking about a biography based on my dad’s life rather than a real life biography. But then with so many in the family it would take me years to get the ok for each chapter 😉 Then I thought… well someone else then! Who’s life can I write about that I won’t have to get the ok for? Oh… yeah… me..! So I spent the afternoon randomly scribbling the first few thoughts on a story based on my own childhood. I took memories that I have and merged them with a bit of made-up stuff. I genuinely don’t know if I have a talent for fiction but I think this is worth giving a go. Who know… I may end up with classic… Moone Girl maybe? I might even drum up the courage to post a section of it on the fiction blog… someday!

I ended yesterday with a host of new ideas. It was a great salve to the ouch of not getting into the finals. So… I shall write on 😉

A vote for Amo is a vote for… well… just Amo actually… :D

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I’ve never looked good on canvas…

I’ve been trying not to go overboard on the whole “vote for me” thing, but it seems my vague references to the voting procedure are not helpful! Particularly to the technophobes in my family who don’t know their hashtags from their URLs!

So here’s the skinny.. the gen… the suss… the story… and the instructions.

For the Best Personal Blog category – well your work there is done. The Grafton Media Blog Awards judges are almost done voting. The numbers are being counted this week and the finalist list will be announced on Friday! If I believed in luck I’d ask yiz all to cross everything, but sure you know me… 🙂

For Best Blog Post – you have 9 days to get me in to the final 10 entries. Now at this stage it’s nigh on impossible as I’m about 40th at the mo. But I’m still in and you can vote this week and next week if you like.

You’ve got to click on the link below – It takes you to a page. You scroll down to where it says “Just another Christian woman talking through her hat…
You click on the little circle.
Then scroll down to the bottom of the page and click vote.
To be clear … clicking ‘like’ here or on Facebook doesn’t count

The link to go vote is here

The post is “A Tribute to my 27 Nieces and Nephews” – to read it click here – you might want to before voting for it! 😀

Make sure to go to the FB page if you wanna vote for this pic 😀

Now ANOTHER vote you can give me is for the pic I submitted to win 2 tickets to the awards night.  Go to this Facebook page and have a look at the pics. Mine is on the last page (page 4) and it’s of me! looking fabliss 😀 There’s a little tickbox to vote on the pic.

SO all modesty shunned, giz an oul vote and shure you never know…

I’ve a bottle of champagne in the fridge from my 40th birthday in March. If I get on to the finalists list of the Best Personal Blog category, I’ll be cracking it open and when it’s empty I’ll write a blog post straight away – or maybe not 😀

Suicide Awareness Day 2012

On By auntyamoIn Family, Getting to grips with God stuff3 Comments

When I think about it, I’m shocked at how many people I know who have been affected by suicide. Today is the start of Suicide Awareness Week and marks Suicide Awareness Day around the world.

There are two people that come to mind in particular today. One I’d known since I was a kid. I fancied him like mad and dreamed of marrying him one day. He was a great laugh! Even though I hadn’t seem him for years, cos he was my brother’s mate, I invited him to my wedding – not as the groom tho 🙂 It was different from any other wedding he’d been to and he loved it! I remember him running over to me at one stage shouting, “Amo, this is a BRILLIANT day!” with his huge smile.

The other person I’m thinking about today I didn’t know as well, or for as long. She was a beauty! She was a scream too. I remember a wedding we were both at – we were dancing like mad women 😉 She was a fiesty fiery redhead  – another one with a big bright smile…

I’ve had down days. Some VERY dark and dismal days! But I don’t remember a day when I felt I didn’t have anyone in world that I could talk to, or that there was no way out of a situation. I can’t imagine what that would be like. How crushing it must be to feel that there is no way out and no one who can help.

I can’t give enough praise for Pieta House – an organisation working to prevent suicide and self harm in Ireland. Their work is inspiring – and tireless. And this week I’d encourage you to look at their website, Facebook page, Twitter feed – what ever is your thing. Get involved, raise awareness , or a few quid even – and let’s work together to help those who feel helpless.

There is always hope! My hope is in Christ Jesus. I know not everyone reading this shares that hope. But hope still exists and help can be found. You are not alone.

You are NOT alone!

Psalm 121
1 I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the Lord,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

Hear Ye, Hear Ye

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So, himself and meself were going to a wedding and decided to treat ourselves to a night in the hotel as most of the wedding guests were doing the same.
I poured over the hotel’s website looking at the fab rooms and the posh restaurant. Under the stones at...

“Yippee” says I, “they have a Spa!”

“Ohhh great”, came the enthusiastic reply, “I’ll be able to get a paper”

“A SPA!” I shouted… “A SPA! NOT A SPAR!”

I’m not even going to get into the twisted logic of why a posh hotel would have a Spar in it. Or why he was more excited about a paper than even I was about the Jacuzzi!

It’s very easy to mishear stuff. And usually it’s because we’re not listening.

I’m intrigued by this phrase that Jesus used at the end of Luke 14…
“He who has ears to hear, let him hear.”
I wonder if the reason we misunderstand each other and God’s Word is that we don’t listen.

There are many who do not have ears to hear. They’ve already decided they have no interest. They don’t believe in or care about God or what He has to say. It doesn’t make me angry, but it does make me sad. World events, political decisions, personal choices end up being made and responded to without the essential ‘eternal perspective’.

But those who have ‘an ear to hear’… we need to hear what God is saying. In the beginning of that verse, Jesus said, “Salt is good, but if it loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is fit neither for the soil nor for the manure pile; it is thrown out.”

It’s a challenge to us to be salt.
Not enough and we have no effect on the flavour.
Too much and we make people choke and want to spit!
But as Colossians 4:6 says, “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt…”

Happily I have my own stock to Haribo to show you 🙂

 

Oh and by the way, we ended up having a lovely time in that hotel.
I’d love to stay there again… I hear they do a great hot stone massage… and 2-for-1 on the Haribo jellies!

Music on a Monday – You’re always welcome to stick your nose in our business

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It’s a while since I did MoaM! So I thought I’d use the opportunity to revive it with a shameless plug for our little business – Miles Music

Towards the end of the year Miles Music will celebrate its 5th birthday. Rich and I discussed it for a long time; but while he thought we were still thinking about it, I was preparing a surprise for him. I had one of my neffs (who worked for Tallhouse.ie) design a logo. Good friends in quinix.com were putting together a website based on concept by Jenny Steele (moochu Designs).

I got an email address sorted, business cards and headed paper printed. I gave the email address to some friends asking them to email him to wish Rich well and then… SURPRIIIIIISE….. early Christmas present 🙂

We’ll never be millionaires from it, but it has been enjoyable and very interesting. Rich does most of the teaching but over the years we’ve sat with a number of couples preparing to get married, talking though their wedding music. I’ve been singing at weddings for a long time and have had some… interesting requests over the years….

‘Help me make it through the night’ – this was thankfully taken off the list by the discerning priest before I had to refuse to sing it
‘Young Hearts Run Free’ – the groom thought it would be hilarious; the bride didn’t!
and my favourite…
‘Harvest for the World’ – eh… why?

Anyway… things have gone a bit quiet of late and now that lessons are finishing up for the summer we’re usually preparing for the wedding bookings we have! I’ve looked online and were certainly not pricing ourselves out of the market but bookings are slow to come in this year.

So do us a favour will ya? Like our page on FB, follow us on Twitter and keep us in mind if you hear of anyone in the island of Ireland looking for music for their wedding service. Thanks a mil 🙂

I’ll leave you with this story that is said by some to be true and said by others to be apocrypha… who knows… but I hope it’s true 😀

A couple met with a wedding singer and went though their list for the service. The singer said to the bride… “Your most important choice is the music you walk up the aisle to.” Without hesitation the bride said… “I want the theme to Robin Hood!”
The Bryan Adams song, “Everything I do, I do for you” had been the first song her and her intended had danced to, the night they met.
So off the wedding singer went with his list.
On the day of the wedding the bride was there in here finery and as she took her father’s arm, someone gave the nod to the wedding singer. She walked through the doors of the church and as she did, could hear the wedding singer launch into…
“Robin Hood, Robin Hood, riding through the glen… Robin Hood Robin Hood with his merry men……”

Dear Da… A belated Father’s Day post

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Father’s Day yesterday reminded me of a letter I wrote to my Dad well over a year ago. I wrote it, but I know I can never send it…

Dear Da,

Image
Dad with 2 of his many beloved grandchildren

You’re nearly 81, who knows how long you have left? Only God I suppose. Mam’s been gone nearly 6 years and you still miss her don’t you. Every single day. You talk about your prayers and not being able to get to Mass and it makes you sad.

Sometimes I get a glimpse of grace in your life. When you wept for a prisoner who will never see the light of day again or a family whose home has been destroyed by floods. But then you go back to your little world of memories and your silly lotto tickets!

I remember the day you were knocked down. I was told that you broke your leg and I had to stay with Aunty May for a while. I didn’t like that. I was 13, not a baby but I wanted to go home. Did I know it was worse than they had told me? How could I have?

Your brain damage has taken your sense of responsibility, your ability to reason, your hygiene. But not your love alcohol sadly. But nor has it taken your love for your children and your grandchildren. You love Christmas and enjoy buying and wrapping more than getting. You passed lots of that stuff on to us all and we’re grateful for that.

I wish I could get your attention long enough to tell you all this. And to tell you that I have another Father. He is older than you but ageless. He has His wits about Him at all times. And listens to me in a way that you haven’t been able to for years. He is your Father too. Well you’ve said He is, when I heard you saying the Lord’s Prayer. I hope you totally understand what you are praying.

If I could get you to listen to me I’d love to tell you how He loves you and cares for you and wants you to be with Him when your body finally gives up on you. But I can’t get through.  So I pray the Holy Spirit speaks to your spirit and that you know His love and will be with Him eternally.

I love you Da, thank you for everything.

Your baby, Annmarie x