Dedicated to Karen Mulreid the newlywed and Jean Keeley the bride to be xx

There’s lots of wedding talk at the mo and it has reminded me of the prep for my wedding and one of the funniest days of my life…

Being someone of generous portions, sorry I mean proportions, finding a wedding dress was not very straightforward. There was the shop that had 200 wedding dresses in stock but only 2 that would go anywhere near me. One of them had that much boning in it that after I stepped out of it stood of its own volition for a good 5/6 seconds before falling to the ground in slow motion. The other one I’m sure was actually a marquee that had obviously been delivered to the wrong place!! It was just missing the ropes and the pegs!

My favourite encounter has to be with the lady who tried very very hard to sell me a dress but was very concerned about offending me. I was tempted to stop her and reassure her that I was aware that I was in fact not a size 10 and she didn’t have to apologise to me for that… but I was having too much fun 

Her sales blurb went something like this…

“Ohhhh ‘bride to be’ you must be excited. The girl who just left is a bundle of nerves, says she hasn’t eaten in a week. Are you the same? Oh… eh.. sorry. Anyway we do have a large, oh sorry, broad… well anyway…. a varied selection of dresses for … (averts eyes) the… larger lady. We have a catalogue here that you can look through and all these styles can be… well… re… well made to measure for…. (averts eyes) the… larger lady. We have a bespoke service too if you’d like to design your own style of dress. Obviously we’d need to leave plenty of time to make a dress your… I mean to make YOUR dress should I say… (panicked voice now reaching fever pitch….) how long til you wedding did you say?????”

She was close to tears by this stage. I was so sorry for her but it is definitely my funniest wedding shopping memory.

I didn’t buy my dress from her in the end. Got it made by the guy the Royal family used.

He makes the marquees for the Royal Garden Party!