For weeks now I’ve had a blog post about abortion rolling around my head and my heart. I’ve tried to ignore it. I threw it away several times. I’ve even said it out loud to myself to try to get it out of my system; but it hasn’t worked. I finally decided to write it and within days came the news of the tragic death of Savita Halappanavar and the child she was carrying. That stopped me in my tracks.

Suddenly abortion and X Case legislation were all over the news and current affairs programmes. Twitter went wild with accusation and counter accusation. I watched as people I love to follow argued and insulted each other. My stomach was sick and my heart ached every time I saw Savita’s beautiful face on the TV and the internet. And I thought to myself… “put it away Amo – this is not the time for your pale musings”.

But maybe it is time. Maybe this is exactly the time to say how I feel.

It will come as no surprise to anyone that I am pro-life. What you might not know about me is that I am childless. And have no chance of ever being a mammy. (Unless by some miracle I end up adopting. But having tried already to no avail, I can’t see that happening.)

But if you know me; if you’ve read my blog, or you follow me on Twitter, you will know that I am NOT a mad fundamentalist right-wing Christian who secretly hates women! I’m not just an over emotional 40 something with no kids and no hope of ever having them! I am capable of rationally discussing abortion. The reason I’ve hesitated is that I don’t want you to hate me. I don’t want you to say the horrible things that get said to people who are anti-abortion.

I’m not a member of any pro-life organisation as, to be honest I tend to feel a bit uncomfortable with their methods. I don’t like to see images of aborted fetuses. As well as a right to life, these babies have a right to some dignity. Images of their dead bodies on display are distasteful and an insult to that body.
I heard stories of people shouting “child killers” at the march for Savita at the weekend. And though I’m convinced there was pro-choice agenda-pushing going on, I would not condone shouting at people in the street.

There is no point in me going into much debated arguments about Savita’s case. Mainly as the full details are not known. But also because my words won’t make a difference. Those who agree/disagree as to whether this was a pregnancy that went terribly and tragically wrong, or death because of a denied abortion – well I’m not going to change anyone’s mind on that am I?! But it is a tragedy and should not have happened.

The original wish for this post was to say why abortion breaks my heart. I’ve already gone on for too long, so I’ll keep it brief!
Abortion breaks my heart because I don’t have kids. I can’t, and there are people who can but don’t want to. It’s NOT a judgement on anyone. It makes me sad, not angry.
Abortion breaks my heart because it sets women against women. I don’t know if it’s anger, guilt, indignance, or what…… but this debate makes women talk about other women in such a terrible and cruel way. And I mean on both sides of the argument.
Abortion breaks my heart because of the love I have for the many kids in my life, my fabulous nieces and nephews and their kids. And others too.
Abortion breaks my heart because I believe it breaks God’s heart.

I must say one other thing. The reaction to some of the pro-life commentators has been truly awful. I tweeted during the week that we’d all prefer not to have to listen to those we disagree with but if these issues are going to be discussed on TV and Radio then all sides of the argument are entitled to a voice or there’s no point.
I’ve said before – my opinion may be in the minority. But it’s still my opinion and I’m entitled to it.

And I’m going to express it – abortion breaks my heart!