A few weeks ago that familiar and hateful voice started to poke me in the ear with it’s verbal pencil… “Amo… it’s time to… ”pack up your sugars in your old kit bag and diet, diet diet…..” What a dismal thought. What was even more dismal was that this would be attempt #20 probably and here I am nearly 40 battling the same old (excuse my swedish… ) shite! As usual I ignored it for a while, smiled at family and friends who are ‘in the zone’ and kept my head down.
But I knew I’d have to do something. So I prayed. I pray quite a bit about a lots of things. (Mostly to do with myself if I’m honest.) But I prayed that God would help me. That he would inspire me and forgive me for being so rubbish at looking after myself. I thought maybe I wouldn’t write this in the blog and I’d start with my usual positive…. ‘here we go again… haha… aren’t me and me big bum just hilarious….’ But then I thought well if I’m going to talk about it I might as well be honest from the start.
So this is where I started… sighing… dreading talking about it and FACING it…! But as usual, God being the merciful One that He is made it a bit easier for me. First thing that happened was when I was researching books for work. Minding my own business I stumbled across a book by Lisa Terkeurst called ‘Made to Crave’ I laughed at the thought of it. Then I saw the subtitle… Satisfying Your Deepest Desire with God, Not Food. I literally felt pain when I read that, and thought to myself… imagine if that were possible! I really didn’t want to read a book, but I spotted a 60 Day Devotional based on the book, so I ordered it.
The next thing was being introduced to ‘myfitnesspal.com’ One of my family, currently ‘in the zone’ showed me the iphone app. An iphone app about pretty much anything will get my attention! But it’s actually very helpful.
So on Monday I did what I’ve been promising to do every Monday since I was about 14. I started again…. I’m quietly and cautiously optimistic. Glad to have started again, at least it swats the ‘guilt bugs’! But I’m not kidding myself. I blogged for a year about weight loss and actually in one post declared myself to have conquered ‘this whole eating thing’ There’s a death knell if ever I heard one! Not long after I stopped blogging about food, and around the same time I stopped addressing the issue. That was more than 2 years ago!
This subject haunts me I don’t deny it. But as I checked-in to the all too familiar ‘Hotel Flabylon’ the devil, dressed in his best concierge outfit, with his smart ass smile said with his usual cynicism… “Ahhhh Mrs. Miles lovely to see you again, will you be staying long with us this time???”
I smiled right back at him, signing in with more flourish than necessary and said… Let’s just see shall we!?